Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Daine's Journal
A collection of stories, thoughts, wanderings, and a bunch of fictional writing. A place to develop my characters or just think out loud... You'll never know what may be true or not.
Is it over?
I'm super confused now and I don't know what to do. A lot of people (in real life) have begun to put doubts in my mind concerning Soren's and my relationship and I don't know what to do.

I am the jealous sort and I know this. Both Soren and I are super busy this year holding down full time jobs and attempting to finish our schooling. I miss spending time with him and it seems like we just never have that much quality time together anymore. I understand we're busy and we can't spend all our time together, but it just feels like anymore when he's out with friends he is having quality time with them since he doesn't see them that often, but that since I'm always around, our time together isn't nearly as meaningful.

For instance, last night he came over and I was finishing up my work, while trying to get my class assignments done. We just sat together and read and then he told me he was going to bed and to wake him when I was ready to go to bed so we could be together. I felt very put off, because I felt like we didn't spend ANY time together, but I felt like I didn't know where we would have gotten the time TO spend together. We both had homework we HAD to do and I had to work that night. But he's going out with a girlfriend of his tonight and I feel like he finds a way to make time for his friends, but when it comes to coordinating time for him and me, there just isn't any time.

Don't get me wrong, I love him to death and if I had my way I still want to spend the rest of my life with him...I think. He's wonderful and everything I've ever dreamed of, but I am just so worried that with our vastly differing schedules we're going to fall apart. I want to be with him, but I feel like we're just too busy to be together anymore. And there's this big part of me that's started questioning if I should start playing the field a bit, especially since he's off to God-knows-where next year to finish up more schooling. For all I know, he'll go to another country! And there's a part of me that wonders if we'll work out. I want to be with him and I don't want to lose him, but with all the fighting we seem to do and all the arguing and hurting that happens, I just feel like maybe we aren't so good together. I don't want to give up...I want to find a way to fix it. But I don't know how.

Nor do I know what I want, I suppose. I ultimately want to be with him, but my mind wanders to the what if sections that wonder about dating other people. And then going back to him. Thing is, I don't want to lose him and its more for amusement purposes or experimentation that I want to play the field a bit. And the fact that I kind of want to make him jealous, to let him know that there might be other men out there that want me and that he can't just assume I'll always be there. I know he doesn't necessarily take me for granted, but because we spend so much time together, we've blurred the line between being individuals and being in a relationship and between dating and being married (almost). I know I can't control what he does, but at the same time, I wish I could change things up a bit. I want him to try to woo me again, I guess. We just seem to be past that stage now and we're both too busy to mix it up. I miss the excitement of dating him and waiting for him to call me. While I love having him there whenever I want him, I wish I could have the best of both worlds.

Is that impossible and am I asking too much or is it conceivable?????? I love him so much and I just wish I knew what to do to get through to him.

Comments are always loved and I'm going to continue giving out random prizes for insightful or good comments, particularly if people are reading all the way back through the posts and leaving messages on each section!!!






User Comments: [13] [add]
Nikolita
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Thu Sep 14, 2006 @ 10:18pm
OK, let's see if I can fit a reply within the limits, so I don't have to PM you my comments again. sweatdrop I haven't put my thoughts in order, so please pardon me if I jump around a lot.

To answer your question, no it's not impossible that you're asking for more time with him. It's perfectly fair, presuming he's willing to put the same effort into spending more time with you as well. If not, well then there's a problem.

It might be that he's presuming that time together (in the same room, but not doing anything together specifically) still counts as time together, whereas it seems you have something different in mind, like a date or whatnot. It's something I'd definitely sit him down and talk to him about.

Recently, my boyfriend and I took a 1 week long break from our relationship, even though we're living together. He wasn't happy, and the logical part of him (his brain, basically) was telling him that he didn't want a commitment or a future with me. To be quite blunt, the first 2 days were a living hell for me. I sobbed all the time, and I damn near didn't go in to work the next day after he told me he wanted a break (it was originally a break-up, but because it wasn't permanent we're just calling it a break from the relationship). I was miserable. But we talked about it everyday, even with me crying all the time, and during a period of days I was able to express my sadness, frustration, anger, bitterness, and so on. And eventually he decided that he had to ignore his mind, pay attention to his feelings, and realize that he loved me too much to let go. And so here I am, still living with him and working. And while I'm happy again, I think my boyfriend is too now, though it's probably still a work-in-progress for him.

While we were "not dating", I did start to look for another place to live. I looked up rental places, and made damn sure he knew I was doing it. He thought I was serious (I sort of was - I couldn't bear to look at him and know that he gave up on us), and me making plans to leave forced him to look at me, what we had been when we were dating, and make a decision about whether or not he could bear to let me walk out the door and out of his life for awhile.
So perhaps you need to do that with Soren? Sit him down and tell him you're not happy, you think that you two need more communication, and that if things aren't going to change, you are going to consider breaking up, or finding someone else, etc. Maybe he just needs an eye-opener.


I'll PM you the rest so I don't have to worry about space constrictions.


commentCommented on: Sat Sep 16, 2006 @ 12:43am
Oh, well thats quiet the pickle isn't it?

I think you should have a talk with him, and see if maybe he thinks you 'should play the field a bit'
I would suggest emailing or Iming each other if you can't see each other because you are doing schoolwork - we all know how much time that can take up
But honestly, try to find a time where you are both free and (relatively) not tired. Then sit him down and have a talk - tell him what you think, what you just said.
It'll help, believe me, it will.



Silver Moon Wolf
Community Member
cool_person_1904
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sat Sep 16, 2006 @ 12:59am
I think schooling may be the big part of your problem. Maybe you are both stressed by the time you finish your work that you really don't have much time or patience to spend with each other, though you say he seems to make time for his friends and not you. I'd stay with him, and see what happens. Maybe in due time, things will brighten up. Hopefully If you both stay together, once things get better, you can look back at this time and laugh about it, and be happy. I really do hope things work out with you and Soren!


commentCommented on: Sat Sep 16, 2006 @ 07:49pm
ok, your thoughts are fair and well normal for such stresses that you are under.

The education and the work scheaul is the problem. if anything it should be better suited matching each others so that you can have the large amount of time together.
If you are miss having dates why not, set a side day for that. I know it sounds simple but it works.
We all have some thoughts of seeing other people during this time because of the stress, you feel if you had some else. You get all the love and attention you want.
I'm guessing you have been in this relationship for a couple of years now, most spice has gone after the first year or two. It's normal for little or no woeing. sad to say but if you talk about how you feel about not having much sweet talk in your realtionship with Soren, maybe he'll try to give you some more sweet little nothings.
Also if he is in the flat while you are on gaia, I sujest going of gaian and giving full attention to him, that way you can start re-building up the romantic stuff.

Sorry if I sound like an a** with my comment, I didn't mean to.
Just rememeber talking works. Don't memtion the seeing other people bit, that may cause tempers to flair.



drak_angel
Community Member
Faranquis
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Thu Sep 21, 2006 @ 04:47am
I know exactly how you feel. Me and my bf are kind of in the same fix. Plus the added fact that he's in Arizona right now and I'm stuck here in the Philippines and we're both attending college. SO hard to find a time to talk! Either I have to stay up for him or he has to for me. >_< Anyways, I think you should just stick it out for now. I'm sure you guys won't be busy firever even if it seems that way at the moment. If you're worried about his friends or annoyed because he seems to have more time for his friends than for you, then you should talk about it. ^_^ It would be quality time too and a heart-to-heart.

Hope this helped!


commentCommented on: Fri Oct 20, 2006 @ 07:22am
This is strange. I've been subscribed to your journal for a while, but this is the first time for me in a long time to actually look at it. And oddly enough, you are in EXACTLY and I mean EXACTLY the same position I was in... two weeks ago. I cannot give you advice, I cannot tell you to make the decision I made - because it still hurts, but it's still liberating. And I can't explain either feeling in full detail to you. But... I can tell you what your feeling is not unusual, and is not asking too much. You just want more time with the love of your life to make sure you're not spending the rest of it with a complete stranger. All I can say is that you should follow your heart. With complete and utter sincerity, I ask you to ask yourself these questions before you go to bed whether it be tonight or tomorrow. Think about them all day if you must. But think, please, on your future, and what the answers to these questions should mean to you... 1. When was the last <i>fufilling</i> conversation that you've had about <i>absolute nothing</i>? I mean, the pointless things you don't need to know about each other, but are fun to talk about anyway? I won't elaborate, because I know you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. 2. Do you think that if you maintain the status quo, you'll still be unhappy, and wondering constantly, and in the exact same position you are questioning now a week from now? If so, two weeks from now? If two weeks, why not two months? Six months? A year? Ten years? This is a hard one: 3. Do you really want to put forth the effort to fix this? Really, really, really think about that one. This one's difficult to admit to yourself: 4. Do you see yourself dating another guy? Does it sound like fun, or even a relief right now? And this is the hardest. 5. Do you even want to crawl in bed next to him at night anymore? ...Does 'I love you' and a kiss on the cheek still mean the same thing?... I know this is coming a month late in the response department. I couldn't forgive myself for not answering this plea for advice... not when I was just there myself. Better late than never. I really, really do feel your pain. I broke off my engagement and moved back home to my parents two weeks ago... for all the same reasons. All I can say to whichever direction you've chosen or haven't decided upon yet is the most important advice anyone's given me through this trial... "Allow yourself to feel every minute of this." Don't block it out, lest the next time your happy, the same deamons will creep up on you again. Good luck, as much as that can help a month late. - Goodnight.



Miracle Goodnight
Community Member
Super-Bubsy
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sat Nov 25, 2006 @ 05:47pm
I suggest you do what feels right in your heart.

Because, that is pretty much all you can do.


commentCommented on: Fri Dec 29, 2006 @ 05:09am
Ok, let's see here, i understand your worry ( once again) it's possible that because of this less time to spend together you may feel a little insecure.. so, my suggestion to you is to talk to him and tell him how you feel with what you've written here.. why not? you have nothing to lose right? Tell him you want to spend more time with him.. even if it's only a few seconds..

I discourage you "playing the field" if I'm really getting the meaning. .as in date other guys? In some ways you can pull it off ( well, yo ucan mangas xd ) but I don't know what happens if yo udo that in real life.. I mean, what happens if he gets overly jealous, hurt, and fell like you've already left him.. right? So.. no cheating.. got me?

Oh and, that "girlfriend" of Jo.. I mean Soren (LOL) better not be "Sarah" lol.. you

*whispering* you know, I've been curious as to why you picked Jon for Soren's pen name. do you like that name? If possible, if you ever have children (even though Soren doesn't) would you name him Jon? whee



Starluvr
Community Member
xXMightyConeXx
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Tue Jan 29, 2008 @ 03:07am
well i think things will be revealed but don't shove things to far over the edge so then it will all be over, try to talk to family memebers or someting, therapy or cousenling is always good

maybe even couples counseling


commentCommented on: Tue Mar 18, 2008 @ 01:03am
Hi!



fyannakrum
Community Member
Mr Vendor
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sun Feb 06, 2011 @ 03:08am
Go with Soren. He deserves you. heart


commentCommented on: Tue Jun 26, 2012 @ 04:59am
Its never impossible and our not asking to much you just want him to give some time to you instead of friends but there may be a ration reason y he does what he does. It may seem like this now but eventually i know (especially how late i am) that everything thing will be ok. Maybe you should try asking him if he wants to go do something and get out and be like teens on dates because maybe your both so stressed about school and work. Maybe he does hang out with friends because he know that your busy or something like that. So try bringing it up to him and just go out do something fun and let the stress go away smile having fun is the best way everything xD



Kokorai Chan
Community Member
Mikosama
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sun Oct 06, 2013 @ 04:12pm
I know this post was from a while ago, so I can keep my fingers crossed that everything was resolved, but you should always feel assured that this is not an uncommon problem! The excitement of first dates wears off... and now you just learn to live with each other. I think that being able to just sit in a room and be doing different things is a great test of a relationship and I hope you guys have been able to find that balance since.


User Comments: [13] [add]
 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum