Wow, so I was talking to Nikolita and was told I really need to update my journal since I haven't done that in a while. But please still go back through my journal entries if you have not had a chance to do so! Especially my last entry, I am looking for a number of comments on it.
Anyway, now that my shameless plug for reading the rest of my journal (and leaving comments!!!!) is done...I shall provide the long awaited update. (Does anyone really faithfully follow my journal in the first place????)
So...I don't know if I've included this, so stop me if I'm repetitive...but last I remember the problems Soren and I were ungoing were the problems of what to do once we graduated, since he, for some undisclosed reason to me, has some intense fear of long distance relationship. I'm not quite positive why he is so afraid to try a long distance relationship, since his explanations have varied over time.
Originally his argument was that we wouldn't be together, physically, so we wouldn't have a real relationship. However, since we separate (phsyically) for ever summer break, I wasn't really sure what his point was. He wasn't ever to really explain it to me, so if someone has a better answer, perhaps that might be helpful. However, he basically explained it to me that he needed to be close to me in order to feel fulfilled in the relationship. Kinda.
Then, he's argued that it would be good to break up so he'd have time to figure out what life was like without me, before deciding that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. That explanation made slightly more sense. Though was still slightly upsetting. Alright, a lot more than slightly to me. He wanted to know that he would feel the same way about me if I weren't constantly there for him to rely on, as he does when I am there. Since we do spend 24/7 together. I accepted this explanation, though it was difficult for me, since we have been discussing the fact that we want to spend our lives together. So it was hard to accept these two explanations together.
However, I do slightly understand. For a man who didn't originally EVER want to get married, we've made a lot of progress. He now is considering getting married one day. Which is great.
The unfortunate problem is that as he advances in his progress in our relationship, so do I. But more on that later.
After a dozen nights filled with my tears and panic...or a lot more...we finally sat down. And this is what he said to me...
I want to remember it...since it gave me goosebumps...
And I'll write it as I saw it...so please tell me YOUR reaction, so I know whether I am crazy. But I'll write it as a story, since I suck at first person stories.
He sat down on the bed accross from Daine, wiping a tear from her cheek. She sniffled pitifully, embarrassed.
"Daine, I want you to know everything I say after this I mean. I want you to believe everything I say, okay?"
She nodded, her heat pounding in her ears as her mind raced to figure out what he was about to tell her or ask her.
He took her hands as he looked deeply into her eyes...
"I want to stay together. I want to stay with you throughout grad school and I want to make this work. I want to be with you."
Daine reached around to hold him closely, crying once again.
"Are you sure?" she whispered.
Soo...wasn't really expecting that. Any of it. And the way he proposed to stay together...well, let's just say I almost expected a proposal of a different manner. But I know that's not going to be forthcoming...but I can hope. All I can say is...when he DOES propose...it should be pretty amazing.
God I love him.
I'll add more on our differing places on our relationship later...
So, its been a while.
Soren and I just celebrated our two year anniversary. He took me to the mountains for a romantic getaway, just the two of us, in a bed and breakfast. We had the most magnificent time. And I've discovered a certain fondness for large tubs and fireplaces. Oh! And Queen-sized beds. Amazing. Way better than sharing an extra-long twin or a futon. WAAAAAY better.
Honestly, it was the most amazing date in the whole wide world. I love him more than anything. The only thing that could have possibly made it better would have been if he had proposed. It would have been the most amazing spot. But I can wait.
That's where we differ in our relationship at this point. I am ready to get engaged and stay engaged while I wait for him to be ready (aka, once he finishes his PhD). I wouldn't mind being engaged for the three years it will take him, since I would feel more comfortable knowing we have something to tie us together when we go off into the world. I know, if it is meant to be, it will happen. But sometimes it is nice to have that little push. And it is so complex.
Part of me says I know he is the one, and so why rush things? The other part of me says, I know he is the one, so why wait?
Ah well. We shall just have to wait and see, I suppose.
And if you want something fun...as a side note....go here and watch this:
My favorite YouTube video of late...watch the guy and the way he first thinks the audience is cheering for him...then the way he startles almost exactly on beat. Amazing. It gives me chills. But I a HUGE fan.
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A collection of stories, thoughts, wanderings, and a bunch of fictional writing. A place to develop my characters or just think out loud... You'll never know what may be true or not.