Today, I woke up in a mela-holic mood... Tears fell onto my bed as I felt a terrible stab in my heart. I have a heart...amazing... But today...why am I crying...? Was it that question that Luffy had asked me?
"Hey Lovett-chan, what's your biggest fear?" he asked with his usual curious expression. I fluttered my eyelids, surprised from question. 'Is he asking this for fun...?' I had thought, but... I answered him seriously anyway.
"...Time..." I said with, I thought, my usual nonchalant expression. But apparently he had seen something else. But now... I can't explain why...was it because of all the thoughts that poured into my head? Was it because of the past? How I outlived my father, how I had outlived everyone? I was left behind after all...I was left behind...as everyone else had ran off to the promise land. And before they would die, they would place their cold hands onto my cheek, with a soft touch and a gentle smile on their face they would tell me...
"Don't be sad...c'mon...smile...for me...and live your life...to the fullest..."
They may say that...but...if I have all the time of the world, there's no point in my to live my life to the fullest. Sometimes...I'd wish I could die like them...
As usual, the crew would be lively on their own upstairs on the dock. But oddly enough...I wasn't up there watching them. It's already been half the day, but my legs wouldn't move, and my throat is dry. I can't stop crying... I've never cried before, but I'm positive that that isn't the reason why I cannot stop. Suddenly, my ears had picked up a noise that resonated from a distance. The door opened and there are footsteps that are gradually becoming louder. As then there was a shout:
"Wake up, Lovett~!" two little voices shouted as they had crashed onto me.Lifting up my blanket, I glared at the two as I frowned and a shadow had covered half my face. The little reindeer and the she-wolf laughed cheerfully as they paused and noticed my expression. The she-wolf would flutter her eyelids as she moved her face closer to mine. "Lovett-san, where you...crying?" she asked as my eyes widened, I quickly pulled onto my blanket with my full strength, making them fly onto the ground as I then fully covered myself, in a ball, with the blanket. With my head turned to the side, I noticed the puddle of stain from my tears on the bed. 'Was I really crying that much?' I wondered.
It's amazing that I found the strength to get out today. Yesterday...all I did was stay coped up in bed. I sighed as I rubbed my eye. So that's how crying was, the only time I've seen tears where when someone else would cry in front of me, usually during funerals. "..." I sighed and sat down on the floor as I laid my head on the railings. The constant thoughts about the past makes me feel uneasy...I then paused and lightly chuckled to myself. "Even thinking about the future makes me uneasy..." I said quietly as I sat there. 'I must be frozen in time...' I thought to myself as I let out a long sigh.I continued to stare at the wooden flooring.