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machine:"the number you have dialed is no longer in service"
unlucky guy: "I dialed 911!"
machine: "the number you have dialed..."

-unlucky guy's life

ned: "we'll call it new england!"
willy: "OH THAT'S REAL CREATIVE! what do you call your foot, new hand?"

-the simpsons

"I ATE MY BATTLESHIP!!"

-strong mad

Pirate one: "what are you doing? you know you can't read!"
pirate two: "it's the bible, you get credit for trying!"