• As I watch the sun set, I dream of me and you walking on a beach in the moonlight holding hands, thinking about all of the good times in the past. We talk about our future together. But fantasy only can go so far that sometimes thinking about fantasies is a waste of time. You know you want it to be real. I keep my mind open, keep a small part in my heart anxiously waiting for the arrival of seeing a picture of you in there. As I watch the sunset I think about you and me holding hands on the trunk of your car watching the sun go down.


    As the sun goes into the horizon and sets down to rest, my mind finally goes crazy as I see you walking down the slope of a hill of concrete which is our relationship. Hard like a rock. The sun has faded my thoughts of you and I are ruined when you think of what people have said about you. Your personality isn’t bad. You’re not ugly and you have a chance like everyone else. Your size doesn’t matter. Your looks don’t matter. The only thing that counts is what’s inside. I hope he sees past the features and looks inside. Understand you. Know how you feel. Your story stops. Is he like that? Does he even CARE? I realize now it isn’t solid like I think it is. It’s like a teeter-totter going up and down. Sometimes I want to be with you and sometimes I just want to give up. Like right now, are you sending me signals? Or are you just having a habit of looking my way? You never talk to me, which is a downfall. When you talk I can’t help to smile. I am forced to keep a straight face. When you walk by again I am forced not to look and smile. I try to impress you but I don’t think you notice. I know I should be myself but I feel like I need to change for you to like me. STOP. There is a big stop sign right there. I shouldn’t be the one to change. I shouldn’t change who I am for you to like me. There is no rule that I have to change. I want to forget about you. You seem to be around in my head. As much as I try to stop, as much I want to delete all the pictures of you in my head but someone keeps on printing more and more and posting it up on boards in my head. Why do you mean so much to me? Everything reminds me of you. I mean everything. Food reminds me of States in Maui, sleeping brings a dream about him and shoves it thru my ear and into my thoughts so many things. And just to let you know fantasizing about me and you together does NOT HELP. Help me. What am I supposed to do? All the crushes I ever had in my life so far he always remained number one. Out of 10 I give him infinity. I always thought of him sweet, thoughtful, kind, romantic, funny. I mean he is all of that its just it with his friends. I sometimes wonder, “Does he ever think of me?” and if so when? As it gets darker I loosen up and relax a bit. Think about things more important. So many memories those were great. Thank you. Thank you for everything.