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------Yesterday I had the worst birthday ever. I was bed ridden, in fact I'm still bed ridden now as I type this. Everything hurts, and I think I'm sick or getting sick. Long story short, I got my wisdom teeth removed; all four of them. You're probably wondering why I'd choose to get them removed so close to my birthday. In fact, I got them removed the day before on the 14th. I turned 26 yesterday and in the United States, once you turn 26 your parents can no longer claim you as a dependent. My dad works for the City of New York and I was under his health insurance for the longest. I know if you get a regular job you should be entitled for health insurance, but I don't really have a regular job.

------I work as a freelancer, aka self employed. I mostly earned my income in either audio post production or as a boom op/production sound manager. Aka, I worked in film. Its all in past tense because covid-19 literally put a halt in the film industry. I'm not experienced enough to get into a union, and union fee was around 5k, and you need a recommendation from someone inside. But it's all fine and good, I was earning at least around 2k a month, and I didn't really have that much expenses. Only now in Late August-September, has work opportunities began to show up again.

------So because of that I gotten my wisdom teeth removed literally a day before my birthday before I lost all my health insurance. I kinda regret it? My wisdom teeth weren't particularly hurting me, but my parents insisted for me to get them removed. On the 14th I went by myself to the oral surgeon and called an Uber to get home because my parents couldn't be bothered to pick me up. I'm lucky the Dr. allowed me to sleep and stay in one of the beds for a couple of hours until the drugs wore off and I awoke. This pain is unbearable. I've been constantly taking ibuprofen every 6 hours and, I hate this drug dependency. I don't even take medicine for my allergies or tylenol when I'm sick but this pain is something else.

------So it's been 2 days, I miss eating real food. I've been eating soups and purees. I've also been drinking a ******** of water. My face is swollen to the point that I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror. I look ugly as ********. I normally joke around with my plainness and being ugly but I really do look the part now. My demons are creeping in and honestly I want to die. I have the bottle of ibuprofen literally next to my bed and I've been spawning thoughts to just eat the whole bottle and overdose on it. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel. I feel these thoughts getting worse. I know in due time things will heal.

------Sorry for this mess, Anikacy out.