------The Ani that you knew, is only but a fraction of all who I am. I'm scared to show that to you who I really am because I was afraid what you'd think of me, and after all we've been through. So I can never go back to where we were four years ago. I'm a really shitty friend, and a really shitty person. I'm glad you were a part of my life, and that you were there to support me. You were there to support me in ways that I wish I could have gave back to you. You were there for me emotionally, and you also supported my dreams. I learned a lot from you on how to be a really good significant other and, I'm sorry we couldn't be together. I'm sorry for being so closed and selfish to you yet you were an open book to me.
------I know we don't talk anymore and, that you probably have a thousand questions for me. I just want you to know that wherever you are I'll always love you, and I wish for your happiness. I hope that you found someone else to spend time with during the quarantine. I hope you found someone who has the capacity to return the love and support you gave for me.
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------His name is Kevin. I'm not sure if Marroquin is his last name, but its what he always used as a screen name where ever we were. I never asked what the significance of it was and what it meant to him personally. I wish I did. He is a huge comic book nerd just like me. So we would debate and talk a lot about comics he always leaned towards DC. It didn't matter to me as long as the art was great. I actually wrote about him before in this book. He was there when I cried at a clip of Lex Luthor lecturing me about the meaning of existence. It's pretty funny if I sum it down like that, but It was thanks to him that I finally let go of the toxic belief of nihilism and embraced existentialism.
------His birthday is June 6th. I'm not sure who was older but I think we're the same age or had a 1 year gap between another. I thought he was Canadian because he lived in Windsor but, he's Venezuelan and he migrated to Canada when he was young. Kinda like how I moved here to America when I was six. We watched a lot of films together and played a lot of games together through PSN. Some of my favorite films of all time I discovered when watching with him, titles like Arrival, Spotlight, and Manchester by the Sea. We even binged watch the entire Cars franchise; I remember being so pissed off with Lightning McQueen in the first movie about how big of a tool he was.
------He was always there when I felt down, always there to distract me with another game or another video/movie to watch. He met me in a weird time of my life, I had just dropped out of college and I was aimlessly wandering not knowing what to do with myself. When I figured out what I wanted to do he pushed me to pursue it. I guess the entire situation of what my sister has going on with her life reminded me of him; I'll write her story soon as I think its worth documenting, and it's relevant to how I feel now, and how I've been feeling for the past few months.
Thank you for reading, This is Anikacy signing out.
