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------I stood there in the dark corners of my mind. I'm crying hard. I'm so tired of the world around me, so tired of the predisposition that I was born into, so tired of the expectations that are placed in me. I wanted to give up so badly. I sat there on my knees, clutching the dirt, clutching on mother earth telling her that she can have my atoms back. It is mixed feelings of loneliness, disappointment upon myself and from others, rage and anger, but above all else; tiredness. I was tired of existing. I mean, whats the point of it all, if there was never on to begin with. I was tired of my indecisiveness, and at that moment I just wanted to stop breathing. But my breathing is too ecstatic from crying so hard.

------I was so angry at the world that it unlocked the dark memories that I hid about a year ago in November. A place that I never wanted to be in, yet seems so convincing. There locked in a black satin case, in my father's office. I feel the dark whispers in my head telling me to place the sterling silver steel up my mouth again, and let it exit through the top of my cranium. After all it wasn't so bad, I'm wanted anyways. Besides I'll get to be in my dreams afterwards, in peace. In a fantasy world so close, yet so far. All it takes is a pull of the trigger and a s**t ton of courage. At that moment I was feeling very brave. After all I'd get to see Ani, and finally spend my eternities, living in a fantasy with her. Crossing over the bridge, to the other side of life doesn't seem that bad.

------But suddenly I feel arms around me, it feels so warm and nice. And all the darkness at that point seem to fade away slowly. Out of the darkness I see her, I see Ani, but she is not the one holding me. At that moment I felt confused, I looked at the arms on me, and felt the olive skin and traced my fingertips against it. My breathing starting to calm down. Ani walks forward, staring at me with her bright blue eyes.

------"Let me go," she whispers. "You're not alone anymore."

------"Letting you go ... is possibly ... one the hardest ... things I ever have to ... do," My voice still shaking from the heavy tears

------"I know, but you can do it" she says smiling softly, tilting her head to the side, slightly looking away to the side.

------She smiles a bit and walks away, snapping me back into reality. I feel the warm arms holding me. The arms were shaking a bit too, and I slowly hear crying as well. I feel the body against my back, holding me tightly breathing wildly. We sit there on the dirt for about an hour till the breathing has completely calmed. And I hear a soft voice:

------"Don't ever do that again. I love you too much for you to just go away, too much for you to just fade away. I think you're amazing and wonderful, with the worlds you create with your head and the amount of creativity you have. You are wanted Ken, you are wanted, and you're alone. Please stop thinking that you are, I'm always here, I will always love and support you with what ever you want to do. I know that you think that there is no point, but there are beautiful things in the world too, and you are one of them. I love the way you think, whether its composing music, painting pictures, even writing stories. I love the way you create things and even though, they're amazing already, you find away to make it better. I love your perspective on self progression, and how you make change and mature after every conflict and struggle you go through. And this is why I believe you are strong, you are strong and wonderful and you can get through this. And I will stand by your side till forever, So please don't do that ever again. Please..."

Thanks for reading, this Anikacy! Its been a while.