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-----And I feel it, for a moment. It feels so light, yet it hurts so badly. I think of you and it's trying to pull me back into myself and the gravity of that is so heavy. I felt as if I was floating towards the light, giving up on everything that I worked for. It feels so wrong to give up after everything I've done, but it feels so easy, as if it is welcoming me. As if its, asking me to come closer, and just leave this body and fly free to the other side of life. But the pull of you is telling me to not give up, even though I'm afraid to hurt you again. Even if I'm afraid of you leaving. But its so hard, its so ******** hard to keep on trying, and I feel as if everything around me is collapsing into nothing. As I ask myself the questions again of "what is the purpose of it all?" and "Why do I even exist?". Sorry, that has nothing to do with you I know, but you're the main thing why I try. Sorry if that's a bit suffocating, I never intended it to be.

-----I want to break the distance, this digital field that's the only thing inhibiting me. I wanna hold your hand and lock our fingers because, the imagination of that is what's pulling my soul back into my body. The imagination of that is so powerful that its causing my chest to feel the sensation bursting. I admit, I'm a bit clingy but I'm afraid cause it can escalate and be a bit suffocating and maybe controlling. And I don't want that.

-----I have no idea what the ******** I just wrote. Sorry I'm a bit out of it due to lack of sleep, and the expectations and burdens on me are making me mad. And the thought of you is the only thing telling me that "I'll be okay" even though I really am not, and never was. I'll be strong though, I'm just fractured at the moment and a bit shaken. I'll patch up the cracks soon, and everything will be okay. At least I think. I hope

Thanks for reading, This is Anikacy! who is a bit delusional (So they say).