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------Its weird to think about it, but I think I may be unsociable. I mean I'm not the party-type, and the only time I go to concerts is when I preform myself. And even after that when I'm done with my set I just usually watch the rest and leave. I know that's bad and I should go socialize with the other bands make some connections and stuff, but for some reason I feel uncomfortable. I feel strange maybe nervous or maybe I have this weird fear that I'll somehow become someone else. Probably because I don't know who I am completely, and I tend to assimilate whatever I like into me. And I'll probably fear that they'll say mean things such as poser or a fake.

------And maybe that's why I usually let my talents speak out for me as who I am, such as cooking, playing guitar, singing etc. I know I probably said this in one of my entries, but who am I if i don't do those? I would never know. Maybe I'm afraid to socialize because I'm afraid I'll get too attached and when they're gone I'll end up hurt. I don't know, but if so, that that's probably why I keep a close circle of friends, but even so I feel so distant from the rest of them. I feel as if they know each other better than they know me. Maybe I'm afraid to get close...

------Its weird because of this fear, I'm unable to make proper connections, and we all know that that's what you need to survive in this world. And if you don't you'll end up connecting with those without connections too, and together we'll be face down breathing in the dirt. Well s**t... This fear is also another reason why im probably awkward when it comes to gifting in general. Because I tend to be so distant among other people I don't expect to receive anything for them, unless its a special occasion such as my birthday or christmas, but even if i don't get anything, I'm fine with it. And this goes the same to giving... I think I have written a full entry on it in here. But yeah, it's weird

------I know I should change, and there are these pockets of time when I'm not like this and I actually socialize and what not. But that's usually because I have an agenda, such as selling a product or an idea, consoling a person, trying to get laid for a one night stand. Maybe I should keep an agenda with me for all things that I do...

Thanks for reading! This is Anikacy, signing out.