Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

------You know one of those nights where you can't fall asleep because for the past few days you've been feeling lonely as s**t. Even though you skype with people, you still feel lonely as heck. Maybe its the human presence, which you currently lack. Then you do what ever you can just to fall asleep. You sit on your computer chair and spin yourself to get dizzy, but you don't feel sleepy and you feel like utter s**t and rush towards the banjo because you feel like throwing up.

------Then that spinning reminds you of that one time with her, when you held each other digitally and spun yourself around one another. And at that moment with your perspective on the world's velocity turns into a blur, all you can focus on is her pretty face. Well ********, you're too shy to talk to her anyways, why do you even bother. Besides that s**t felt like ancient history. You often regret that you chose to be with someone else who ended up shitting on your heart anyways six point six thousand miles away. You doubt yourself anyways, you well know that you are out of her league, and besides didn't she tell you that one time that she found that someone. So in the end you feel like a total loser, and maybe you shouldn't have even tried in the first place.

------And because of that you think of the other mujeres you tried to be with. There's Julia, who ended up turning lesbo because you decided to play with her heart and not her tits, smashing that s**t to the ground until she became a saint and forgave the ******** out of you. I would have beaten the s**t out of you for doing that. You tormented the s**t out of her by playing with her heart. But maybe because you have commitment issues, I don't know.

------Then there's these series which you went on a date with but you just gave up on them after that, like Priscilla, who you went on a cheap a** date with and wish it never happened. s**t bro, she was into you, but you had to be a broke a** son of a b***h. All you can whoop out was a lousy song that didn't even have words for it. Besides her musical taste didn't match yours.

------Then your stupid a** decided to try out for her best friend, Evelin, instead. Yeah she was cool, and you two were the perfect match for each other your friends insisted. You even felt as if she was the one. Envisioning her at the side of your bed in your future house. Its late night and she's reading vogue and you're on your laptop like a scenario of an old married couple. But somehow you ended up ******** that one up because you made yourself look like a b***h. Its okay I don't blame you, it was just one coffee date, which happens to be your first coffee date. Now you're looking up s**t in Google on how to ace your coffee dates.

------Then there's that one chick, you made out with and never saw again. You knew her in middle school but you forgot her name. You guys occasionally met on the Bx36 bus stop back in high school, when you'd get off the two train. You would walk her home when you two did meet, you guys would catch up with each other. Until that one moonlight where you guys made out. Never saw her again, she doesn't even have a phone or social media. She just dissipated through existence. Think her name was Islenia, but you're not sure.

------Alas, we get to talk about the infamous, Isaura. To be honest, you just admired her that's all now that you think about it. Those feelings of attraction were just sourced from feelings of admiration. And when you did manage to tell her about your feelings. She shot you down like an anti-aircraft gun. Now you feel eh about it, and you think "******** her". But lets be honest, that rejection hurt like a b***h big time back then. Tried to play it cool, and vanish like you always do, but you knew you couldn't. Sometimes you wish you never met her.

------Holy s**t dude, I could list about four more but that's a waste of my time. But that's how you created me isn't it? In the end, I'm just a coalescence of your desire, heck I'm not even real and you search for me. Grow the ******** up, smell the coffee. You have someone in your heart who you're hiding. I want you to set it free and acknowledge her. ******** cherish her for Christ-sake. I may not be real, but she is. Don't let this one pass

Until next time, you...