• Baals by Any Other Name
    by Claire Cobb

    “Cobb?” they ask, “like... corn?” Yes. Amazing how a vegetable can haunt a lifetime. I have always wondered if my love of that, the king of vegetables, was in anyway inspired by a subconscious duty to my name. And with the torrents of hype on hilarious handles that had been clogging the media with Harry Baals, the infamous mayor from Indiana, one wonders what it feels like to have the terrifying tag of Baals constantly hanging off of you. In this new frenzy of giggles, this ear of corn wanted to know why we giggle and how it looks from the giggled-at, so embarked on an adventure into the world of the unfortunately named.

    Hilarious Handles in History

    From the first day of kindergarten to the last day of graduate school, there have always been snigger-worthy titles. From the mysterious Gussie Manlove (Who nearly evaded the clever and charismatic online community, Nerdfiteria, after John Green saw her name on a tombstone with a question mark for a death-date. The band of YouTubers unearthed and released the story of her life back to the world.) to the popular Harry Baals.
    Harry Baals, that infamous name from the late-night media, was a much respected Indiana mayor in the 30's and 50's, and when the issue arose of erecting a “Harry Baals Government Center” it inspired support from the populous and reluctance from the officials, who foresaw the future headlines on MSNBC: “Scratch 'Harry Baals' Off List of Names for Government Center.”
    The cruelty of the media is what made Baals so hilarious for us sitting at home with John Stewart. The citizenry of Fort Wayne respected their mayor, and though there may have been giggles, he was seen as a great public figure. A name like that (proudly pronounced as your inner kindergartener thinks it should) may have severely hampered a political career, but Baals overcame the sniggering and managed to set up a town that loved him. As Fort Wayne spokesman Frank Suarez said, “When was the last time somebody could say that they had fun with their government? We've had fun with this.”
    This idea of having fun with an embarrassment is novel and well welcomed, but can it be said of the unfortunately dubbed man – or woman – on the street?

    Laughing at Herself : Rima Semaan

    Another constant source of snigger-inducing names is the teachers that one meets in an academic career. When this magnificently lovely biology teacher's name first appeared on our transcripts, my fellow students and I gave each other knowing glances, reading, “Mrs. Semen?” Giggle, giggle. We didn't know how to address her on the first day, so many of us didn't take the risk, but the illustrious Mrs. Semaan takes her married name with pride and amusement.
    When Mrs. Semaan was first approached for an interview about her laughable label, the interviewer was very nervous about offending her biology teacher, who could change the interviewer's fate with a click of a button. But Mrs. Semaan, with her usual grace, spoke of how “it was something you expect, knowing the kind of kids that you're going to be teaching. They're students coming out of eighth grade, they're silly. Any little word will trigger a laugh here and there. And you kind of expect them to try and pronounce or mispronounce it on purpose.”
    She went on to describe how it had never bothered her, but rather had amused her, and set up ground rules on how it was to be properly pronounced (Seh-maan) at the beginning of each year.
    “My son, on the other hand,” she laughs, “being on the football team, he wears it proudly!”
    Had he had the expected problems with substitute teachers?
    “No. He would always, from what he tells me, when they were calling off the student's names, right before they came to his, because obviously the sub was having problems like, 'Oh my god, how do I pronounce it?' He would say, 'I'm here, it's Semaan.'”

    Shakespeare said it when he wrote his famous line about the rose and its smell. We are not who our names are. We can grow past them, like Harry Baals, and we can laugh at them, like Mrs. Semaan. And it was Mrs. Semaan who said it best, as she concluded our conversation with: “We all have very unique names, I have heard the most unique names as a teacher. It has no impact... The name doesn't make you, you make you.”