i know i havent written to you recently.
im sorry its been so long. i know you are watching over me like all mothers should. but you shouldnt be watching me from up there.
I feel like, it shouldnt have been your time.
you didnt deserve it.
and i cant tell you how much, i hate myself, for saying that i hate you. or telling you i wish you were dead.
i listen to the music you liked all the time.
when i look up at the sky, i picture you.
i feel like your flying up there, keeping watch over all of us.i wish you were still here.
i miss you so much. just like everybody else does.
i dont know what to say to my little brother.
i dont know if he knows your gone.
hes so smart, he might, have realized.
thinking about his situation, makes me want to cry.
hes gonna grow up without a mommy, and hes never gonna know how it feels, to have you there for him.
hes too young to have already gone through, the loss of his mother. and i think grandma, is probably on her way too. lets just hope she doesnt die, any time soon.
shes just very old. and i hope, that she lives a bit longer. so luke can at least grow up with, a mother-like figure. it just really is going to suck for him, cause he might have grandma, but he'll never have his real mother. like me and the rest of us did. i know my sister misses you so much. and i know she writes to you all the time. i wish i could write like her.
as you know, im going into high-school, and i dont know what im going to do. im so scared. will i keep one bf, will i ever get hurt. will it be awesome. will it be terrible.
will i better my singing skills? how many friends will i have?? am i going to make a lot of enemies? am i going to be popular? i wish you were here to help me through these questions. i only have my sister left. and i never see her, and she dropped out, so i dont think anybody except my brother, can help me. its just that hes a boy, and not a girl. i wish, you were still here. i cry so much, whenever i think about you, and my little brother, and my sister. i wish, you would have survived the cancer.
as i said, you didnt deserve to die.
p.s.: my mother is really dead, this ^ is all true.
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