• What What In The Butt?

    tab Lately, people but many strange things in their body. Junk food, health food, drugs, alcohol, silicone and saline. But none startled me quite as much as the new trend of 'butt implants'. Yes, I am quite serious. With 'booty' apparently becoming a new hot trend, I am forced to wonder what happened to the skinny minnies that sneered at me in high school...do they suddenly crave my assets?
    tab Growing up, my tush had a bit more 'oompf' then other girls. I squatted, lunged, glute-pressed, and yoga-ed the everloving hell out of it. And still, it merrily jiggled along. I tried losing weight, trimming my already slight physique of 105 to a startling 99. While my stomach flattened in horror at visable ribs and jutting hip bones, my bum would not budge. Having tolerated the horrors of too-small denim, skimpy bikini bottoms, and the glares of uptight women, image my suprise when suddenly the newest trend is big bottoms.
    tab How did this come about? Did someone look at the wobbly monstrosity on my tail end and say "I want that"? Did skinny women suddenly realize how painful sitting is with no tush to cush your tailbone? I've known for years the positives of the curvy bum. While it won't score you brownie points with catty women, and will draw drooling stares from men, it does provide quite the protective service. Falls are less painful, sitting for hours is easier, and riding horses? I'll take on all of you skinny bitches...I can sit the trot for hours.
    tab The only downside now, is that I get judging glares not because I was born with a big bottom; some women think I went and bought it! To be honest, as with boobs, I'd expect telling a 'true booty' from a 'new booty' should be equally if not much easier to determine. Or is it? Are these new bums like their boobie buddies? Do the cheap ones balloon out and hang unevenly? Do the expensive ones bounce like slow-mo jello?
    Thankfully, none of these questions will ever need to haunt my behind. My opulent derriere is organic, and plastic is meant for toys.