• 5/18/95
    Dear Diary, I know this is dumb that I am writing a diary. I never do it, I feel like the only person I can talk to to is myself. So here I am, writing to myself. Today, was another horrible day like every other one. No one sat by me at lunch, and Julie hit me in the hall way in front of my "best friend" my so called "best friend" just looked at me, smirked, and ran off. I officially done with everything and everyone. I failed on my math test again, not a surprise. Scolded by the teacher again, and again. This time she smacked me with the ruler in the hallway and I have a bruise on my leg near my knee now. Ugh, this day can't get worse. My sister, Anne just broke her leg yesterday and is in the hospital. Luckily, she's okay and has to get surgery. The thing is my family doesn't have much money at all and they can't pay for the bills like the usual. I just with I could live a normal life, be a normal person. I haven't ate a thing all day and I am refusing too even though I am starving to death. I will all the bullies would think about me for once. Take a step in my shoes for once and feel how it is to be in my footsteps. I am so dumb with everything, I keep opening the fridge wanting to eat something, anything. But my brain tells me not to, all I want to do is eat. But I can't, not till I lose 50 pounds is my goal. I'll be 90 pounds, but that still isn't enough. I will be happy, when I hit 0. I just can't do this anymore. I am crying while reading this. I was at my aunt's house the other day and I saw one of her old knives that was great. I love it. It's very dull, and great for self-harming. I wish I could stop this, but it's the only thing I can do to let the pain out, what am I supposed to do? Tell my mother, so I get put in another mental hospital I am so done with everything, I need somebody. I want somebody, who understands what I am going through. Everyone at school thinks that I am just a freak who is super shy and they call me "Scar" all the time. I'm so tired of being bullied, so tired of my parents shouting and abusing me, so tired of my brain, so tired of all these thoughts stressing me out and making me more depressed then I already am. I just want my Grandmother back so I can hold her hand, and she'll hold mine. Give her a big warm gentle hug and pat her on the back, kiss her cheek and look at her beautiful smile.. but I can't. She's gone.