The sky clear and as blue as the sea hung above us. It is said that the skies reflected ones heart, ones emotions; whose emotions -however- is never stated. I am certain though that these clear skies were reflecting my own happiness.
Warmth filled me at the sight of her vibrant smile which reached the very alluring orbs that had captured my attention way back when we first met. Her hand reaching towards mine grasping it in her soft and gentle hand felt warm to the touch. Laughing in delight she dragged me towards a ride which we quickly mounted. As unexpectedly as it began it ended, her cheeks flushed with excitement as we left, her hair wild from the speed the ride had traveled.
The rest of the day was filled with laughter, smiles and intimate touches. She would tug on my sleeve to point out a toy she wanted from a game and have me win it for her. I'd drag her into the scarier rides and both tease her and comfort her as she would cling to me in fear. We cherished out time together.
That was before, however.
As I think back on it now that ride reminded me very much of our relationship. The love we shared for each other came as unexpected as a mosquito bite. Our attention was solely focused on each other and the happy moments we shared. It was never meant to happen, but it somehow did.
The gentle touches of comfort, the sneaked glances in the classroom, the slow passionate kisses shared between periods, the late night dates, the group activities; all those little gestures easily discarded by fate.
Cruel, cruel fate.
I dreamed of our future together. Most say men aren't sensitive and only think with their libido. For the most part they are right, most men may be like that, but not all. I dreamed about how I would propose to her when we came of age. About where we would live and how we would raise our child if we were to ever have one.
However, the thought of our love ending never even crossed my mind.
I was shocked when I first began to see the signs of her attention turning to another. The stolen glances while we hung out, the cute blush that would appear on her cheeks when he smiled at her. There was nothing I could do to prevent it. There was nothing I could do but watch as her feelings firmed and my heart shattered.
The day she came to me claiming she needed a word, I knew what was coming. I dreaded it, dreaded it more than I dreaded hospitals. I had hoped and wished for this moment not to arrive, but fate wasn't so kind.
She broke my heart that day, my spirit, my soul. She apologized, told me she had loved me but that her love was now for someone else. It was fun and she would remember our time together for the rest of her life she said. I forgave her when she asked for it, and I agreed to remain her friend when she asked.
Things would never be the same for me. It hurts every time see her with him, but at the very least she's happy. At least one of us is, and I am glad it's her. As long as there is a smile on her face I'll be alright.
I do not blame her for leaving me -however much I wish she hadn't. One cannot control their emotions, who they fall for. It is natural that one would want to be with the one that is often on your mind and heart. Like I wish to be with her she wishes to be with him. It's fine.
Watching the two holding hand and cuddling in the bench amongst our group of friends I felt something free itself within me. Smiling as recognition filled me, I excused myself feeling elated.
Shoving my hands in the pockets of my jeans I upturned my head to look at the sky. Clear. No doubt reflecting my heart.
For a while I had felt lost -drowning self pity and loneliness- but now I could move on. This I swore to myself. She found happiness with another, so I have every right to do the same. I will find someone that will fill the void in my heart, someone that will treasure me as much as I treasure them.
She may have been my first love.
But I am eager to find my last love.
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