CRACK-ACK-ACK! Gunshots echoed through the alley, and of course, he doesn't even flinch. He just darts forward, kicking the assailant in the neck. The wielder of the gun goes down like a sack of rocks, and begins coughing blood. Man, I hate it when he does that. Now he stands, and waves me forward. "Come, Blaze-boy. We're getting closer to the action..."
That's me, by the way. Blaze-boy, sidekick of the 'awesome' superhero, Blue Lightning. More like Blueballs Dicklicker, the guy's a total a*****e. He treats me like crap, orders me around, makes me run his errands, all in the name of 'keeping me safe' until I come of age. His sick excuse for making me a slave until I can handle myself. Of course, there's not much I can do about it... After all. I've made a few too many enemies in the Vrideth City area to wander the streets alone. So I'm stuck following this doucher around until I'm good enough to take down those guys... Better to be living unhappily than dying unhappily.
So, anyway. There we are, in a dark alleyway, chasing down an illegal arms dealer, Ricardo Vasquez. Real bad dude, this guy's sold enough AK's and MP-5's to arm a small militia. But according to Blue Lightning, that ends tonight.
We run to the end of the alley, and up the fire escape. Blue Lightning using his obnoxious powers to zip right up the metal staircase, while I crawl up the long way. By the time I get up there, I'm out of breath, wheezing and coughing. Meanwhile, Blueballs Dicklicker stands there looking like a moron. Probably planning our attack... But to be honest, all I really want to do right now is curl up and take a nap. After all, we just five minutes ago fought sixty or so henchmen, and the only power I've got to my name is shooting lame little fireballs out of my hands. Effective, but not enough. I ended up having to beat my way through about fourty meat-puppets. Tiring. Blue Lightning over there, he just zapped one of them with one of those gay little lightning bolts, then figured his work was done. a**.
But, I digress. We look over to the warehouse, which this Vasquez guy is doing another deal in. Supposedly tonight... But it's just a little too convenient for me to like. "Um, Blue Lightning? Don't you think that this might be a trap?" I ask, wondering if he's seriously stupid enough to not see it.
"Nonsense, Blaze-boy! It's perfect! Vasquez is in there, with his client. Our spy, working with the police. Once they've completed the deal, he'll send us a signal to come in and work on the henchmen while he deals with Vasquez. Problem solved... Don't be such a downer." he said, nodding.
Like I said. He's a total a*****e. So, that's when his pager goes off. "That's the signal, let's go!" he shouts, and hops off the roof and lands on a guard. I follow suit, landing on the same guard, probably finishing him. After all, two dudes falling on you from a five story building is probably a little more than anyone can take.
He runs up to the first guard he sees, and punches the guy square in the nose. Along with all that electricity sparkling up and down his arm, the guy drops like a tray carried by a drunk barmaid. Meanwhile, I scope out a little more strategic option; say, for example, the propane tank on the side of the building? It's surrounded by guards, who are all standing around talking. One well aimed fireball sets them all ablaze, along with blowing a large hole in the side of the building. "Knock, knock..." I mutter, grinning a bit. Maybe that'll show that old fart what I can do.
"Blaze-boy, what the hell are you doing? We just lost the element of surprise!" He shouts, kicking another guard in the kneecap. Then left him there, as he reaches for a gun. I frown, shaking my head as I lob a fireball at his arm.
"We never had the element of surprise..." I reply, tired of his bitching. With no reply from him, he either didn't hear me, or chose to ignore it. Either way, I don't care. We continue our way into the warehouse, not too bothered by the meatsacks that get in our way. In fact, the only one who puts up any sort of challenge was a fat guy wearing a bullet-proof vest. But he gets taken care of when Blue Lightning decides to finally do something, zapping the edges of a water tower. Soaking the man, then electrocuting him. The guy promptly explodes, leaving us a path directly in.
So, obviously, we run in expecting an easy fight. We find ourselves...
Surrounded by at least a hundred dudes with tons of weapons aimed right at our heads. Even with all our powers combined, we're so totally screwed on this one... I raise my hands, much to the horror of Blue Lightning. But once he figures out the chances of us winning are nonexistent, he actually agrees for once. With our arms raised, the mastermind of this trap reveals himself; Vasquez steps out on a balcony above us, a Cheshire Cat grin across his face. "Well, well, well... Look who's decided to join us," he calls, loud enough for everyone to hear. Mocking us, of course.
"But it looks like this unwelcome visit will be ending a little early," he says, laughing. "I do hope that you'll be able to join us for... Dinner..." Then he snapped, on which command his henchies start dragging in a cage... Filled with dogs. Not 'ooh, look at the cuddly-wuddly widdle doggies,' more like 'holy christ these dogs are going to chew my face off.'
And they look starved, too. Shame, the things these people do for a good plan. The men all back up a bit from the dogs, as they prepare to open the cage. The doors of the cage fly open, followed by the dogs. One of them jumps directly at my throat, then
BOOM! A huge explosion tears away half of the warehouse, along with the dogs charging at us... And me. Luckily, I'm pretty much fireproof. I should be, too. After all, I only shoot fireballs out of my hands on a daily basis. However, I'm not so thrilled at the moment, considering I'm flying through the air at Mach 2. hopefully I don't liquefy against the wall whenever I hit it. After the incredibly painful impact, the details of which I'll spare you poor readers, I stand up and look around. The place is a mess, dead bodies of all shapes and pieces. Dogs running around on fire, one man on his knees screaming. Blue Lightning is nowhere to be seen, which I can only hope means he's alive. Our spy must be dead, and of course Vasquez is alive and running. Literally.
I decide to take a second to figure out what the hell happened; there was a hissing noise from somewhere, that meant gas. The flames were blue, chemical explosion. Propane tank... Holy s**t, this was my fault. The propane tank must have caught a gas line on fire, causing this explosion. "Awesome!"
This was my moment. I just saved my own a**, probably Blue Lightning's as well. Vasquez was still in the building, all I have to do is go get him... Greatest night ever. I run after the guy, sprinting up the stairs and out into the alleyway... Just in time to see Blue Lightning kick him in the chest. Sirens wail in the background, police will be here any minute. I sigh, shaking my head.
What a d**k...
- Title: The Sidekick
- Artist: Epic Irony
- Description: We all know superheroes. Love them, too. But what about their faithful companions, the all-too-often ignored sidekicks? How do you think they feel? Find out.
- Date: 08/18/2010
- Tags: sidekick