• I raced into the hospital and ran down the hall toward the doors that gave me to Zane. A nurse was coming out and about to lock the doors when she turned and saw me.

    “Miss visiting hours are—“

    “Please!” it came out as a hoarse cry. She jumped surprised. I grabbed the nurse by the shoulders and glanced down at her name tag. “Peggy! Listen you have GOT to let me in. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with is about 5 feet away from me and he has no idea! Please! Please! Let me in for my happiness! For the sake of my sanity!” the woman stared at me then her lips twitched.

    “Miss, I was just going to say you have an hour to visiting hours still,” I loosened my grip on her shoulder.

    “Oh.” I said and she smiled. I finally let her shoulder go. “I was just doing that for dramatic—“

    “Go get your man!” she called waving me to the door. I grinned.

    “Thanks! Oh and sorry about the…” I pointed toward her shoulders ad knew there would be a mark. She laughed.

    “Just go.” Without further or do I ran into the white hallway and then stopped at Zane’s room. It was shut almost the whole way but just a crack. I took in a deep breath. You love him Olivia. And I can’t believe you JUST realized that now. You’re such an idiot! I just need to tell him. I pushed open the door and Zane was standing up. He looked sharply at the door his eyes were dark and his brow was furrowed like he was mad. He was perfect though. Everything I wanted was him. I loved everything about him.

    “Zane!” it came out as a gasp as I ran over to him. “I have to tell you something,” I said quickly.

    “That you slept with Grant at the party tonight?” he said bitterly making me flinch.

    “What?” I asked confusingly, loosing my train of thought. “Wait, no I didn’t sleep with Grant. Listen I really, really need---“

    “Yeah right! I heard you were all over him!” I frowned, my happiness leaving me quickly.

    “Zane, no, I didn’t do anything with Grant. I mean we kissed but that was it. But I found something out. I—“

    “So you admit that you did!” he said. “I can’t believe you! You know even if we don’t really like each other you could have at least slept with someone who wasn’t Grant. Way to go in making me a pathetic looser!” he yelled loudly. I stared shocked to frozen. Who did he hear this from?! I didn’t sleep with him! Why can’t Zane let me tell him how I really feel?! Why can’t he know from the way I’m looking at him right now? '

    “I knew you were just like Kendra.” He said so cold and cruel I flinched again. He towered over me and I felt like I was filled with coldness. He doesn’t love or like me now. Tears filled my eyes.

    “Zane….I didn’t—“

    “You know!” he said cutting me off and stepping back away from me. His eyes were black looking and I felt like no warmth could ever come to me again. “Save it. I don’t care about anything you say. We can basically say this stupid, idiotic, pointless fake relationship is over!” he said slicing his hand through the air to modify it was over. It was silent. I stared at the ground tears falling helplessly. I can’t let him do this to me. I thought. I can’t let him cut me like this. I looked up and I saw his body loosen its stiffness. Find your strength Olivia. Find it now!

    “The fake relationship was your idea!” I yelled. He glared. “You’re the one who approached me and asked me! Don’t you forget that!” I pointed a finger. Then I stepped back feeling like my legs were Jell-o. They won’t support me for long. I quieted my voice as I stared straight into his eyes. He saw it coming. He knew.

    “Pointless? I guess you think my virginity was pointless?” It was silent and he didn’t say anything. I clenched my teeth. Be strong. Do not show him your about to barf everything you had ate today onto the tile floor, or that your heart hurts like someone stab a pen through it. Act like you stubbed your toe and it’s the aftereffects. I bit the inside of my mouth hard my hands already in fist. I stepped back again and looked at him. Without another word from both of us, I left. I didn’t even bother to stop as I started running. I ran outside and into the cold air hoping it would help the hard sobs that hurt my chest so bad I wanted to scream.


    Oh ********. I can’t believe I just did that! Oh man…..I will never forget that look Olivia gave me. That sad broken hearted look. I shook my head.

    “Get it out of your head!” I yelled out loud. She broke your heart stupid! She cheated on you with Grant! I will thank Greg next time I see him. He said he was standing there next to Grant when Olivia walked up and told him to come up stairs with her. She was practically throwing herself at him! Why shouldn’t I be mad?! Greg was a good friend of Grant’s and I hated the jock but why would he lie to me? He actually was nice enough to come and warn me. I should be happy. But I’m more upset then I thought I would be.

    I waited in bed thinking maybe she would come over after the party and tell me she had a good time and all, then I would confront her and yell at her and she would admit that she cheated on me and then she would beg for forgiveness. But she didn’t. She just listened trying to tell me something. I didn’t care what she had to tell me! I was down right pissed! She is making me look a fool! Maybe she’s been seeing Grant all this time.

    Greg also told me that Grant and Kendra broke up. Why didn’t Olivia tell me that! I crushed my hands to my head feeling the head spasms. I can’t believe what I just said to Olivia. I couldn’t help it. It all sort of rushed out. I felt like I was yelling at Kendra. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to do. But still Olivia hurt me more then she knows and she didn’t even care! I have a right to be pissed. A bigger right then she does……because I actually fell for her.


    I wanted my mom. I wanted to feel her warm embrace. Like I did when I was 5 and a thunderstorm was coming in and lightening made the sky light and scary. Then the thunder rumbled and I would push my face into my mother’s neck trying to get away from it. She would shush me telling me that it was alright. Then dad would tell me it was ok and rub my back.

    I wanted both my parents more then anything right now. I wanted to be 5 again and be running from a thunderstorm then having my heart be split into two. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door. It was locked. I quickly unlocked it, sobs breaking my chest. I threw open the door and stumbled in. I stopped as not a sound was made. The lights were turned off and everything was quiet. No one was home. With a sick retching sob I screamed. I’m sure the whole neighbor could hear it. I didn’t care.

    “Why is no one home when I need them the most?!” I screamed as I raced toward the fire place ripping off the stockings with our names on them.

    “Why is it my parents don’t give a rats a** about me?!” I screamed as I kicked a picture frame of us in Paris smiling on one of the stands. I ran toward the stair case where the pretty ribbon wrapped around the railing. I pulled it off ripping it making a tearing sound.

    “Why can’t my parents care more about me then themselves?!” I was in rage and nothing could stop me! I ran toward the Christmas tree we had gotten and glared up at it.

    “Why can’t Zane listen to me?” with another rage I had strongly in me, knocked down the Christmas tree and all the ornaments fell and shattered. With that, my legs finally gave out and I crumpled to the ground. I held myself tightly together as I let out the last cries.

    After I was done my hands bled from the glass as I picked it up. I threw it away with a blank expression. I had to get out of here. I went up the stairs and into my room. I grabbed a big black duffel bag and threw my clothes into it. As I got my things from the bathroom I stopped and stared at myself. My makeup had come off and made my cheeks black with eyeliner. My tight shirt and skirt felt almost claustrophobic.

    I don’t look like myself. I don’t think I have for a while now. Since I wanted to make Grant jealous I changed my whole personality. I hate this person, I thought looking in the mirror. I can’t believe I let Grant walk all over me like that! He was controlling me and I didn’t even know. But the most time when I felt the most like myself. Was when I was with Zane. I felt braver and stronger when I was with him. Don’t think about him. I told myself.

    With another set of rage, I tore my black skirt taking it off of me along with my shirt. I yanked it off hearing it tear here and there. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a warm sweat shirt. I got everything I needed from the bathroom and then wrote a note. Before I left I went to my jeweler box and opened it. A picture of my grandma and I sat smiling at me. I didn’t smile back; I grabbed the key and shut it. I put my duffel bag over my shoulder and headed out to my Jeep. I need to get away from it. I need to get fresh air.

    (Olivia’s note)---

    Mom and Dad,

    I’m going away for a while. I just can’t be home. If you need me you can call the cabin phone number because I don’t get reception there. Please, don’t come up. I just want to be alone for the holidays like every year. I’ll call you when I get there. Love you both,