• I felt a tickling on my palm. I frowned and my hand jumped. I heard a quiet laugh. It started again but somehow I liked the feel of the hard finger tips touching my hand. I opened my eyes and looked at Zane who was perched on his elbow his hand tickling my palm lying open on the pillow beside my head. He had his jeans on but no shirt. His boxers were showing from under his pants. His hair was messy but still very cute. His chest still had the fading bruise on it and his eye was a little swollen. His blue eyes were a lighter color then usual but his lips were in a small smile. I smiled back and sighed.

    “That tickles,” I mumbled. He laughed again.

    “I noticed.” He said back his voice husky and sweet. He stopped. I looked over at him.

    “I like it,” he stared at me a smile still on his lips. I shivered as I remembered last night. The way he ran his fingers down my body….. “What time is it?” I asked before he could say anything. He grabbed his cell phone from behind him and flipped it open.

    “7:30,” I yawned.

    “Ugh it’s too early,” the sun came in the window and I pulled the blanket up around me. He chuckled.

    “The electric didn’t come back on but the fire went out sometime last night.” he said. I nodded closing my eyes again feeling his fingers still on my palm. Last night….was amazing. It was probably the best night of my life. I care so much about him. More now then I did before. I could feel him close to me. If we did it then maybe he likes me back. The thought made my heart jolt. But I wasn’t going to say anything. Not yet. Maybe he will tell me he likes me and we can actually be together for real. I smiled but then frowned. But doesn’t he like Kendra? Wait didn’t I like Grant? What happened to our goal? I don’t think I like Grant anymore. Does he still like Kendra? Is that why he slept with me? Because he wanted to brag to Kendra about ‘doing it’ with me? Zane pulled the cover back. I looked up at him as he smiled down at me.

    “Thinking?” he asked. I nodded. “I can see the smoke.” he joked. I didn’t laugh or smile. He frowned. “What’s wrong?” he asked coming closer to me. He pushed my hair behind my ear and I repressed myself from shivering from his touch.

    “Nothing,” I answered licking my chapped lips. He frowned even more. I closed my eyes again avoiding his eyes and sighed. I felt him lay down next to me and his hand was left by my hair. He curled his finger around the end then let it twirl back again. It felt good. The worry I had about him using me to get back at Kendra vanished. I don’t even care if he used me or not! I was getting a lot out of it! He let his fingers run from the end of my hair past my collar bone to my back and made a single circle. Goose bumps appeared on my arms. He laughed a throaty laugh. I smiled.

    “Mm, stop.” I mumbled. He laughed again.

    “Don’t you like it?” he whispered his voice joking and teasing. I nodded my eyes still closed. He didn’t stop, hell I never wanted him too.

    “I need to get up,” I muttered opening my eyes. He shrugged taking his hand off me. I turned onto my back and rubbed my face pushing back my messy hair. I probably looked horrible. Zane was quiet and I looked over at him frowning. He was staring at my chest. My bare chest and stomach. I quickly grabbed the cover and covered myself up blushing a little. He laughed and winked at me. I rolled my eyes. I sat up and made sure the blanket was around me tightly. I yawned again and stood up. Zane looked up at me with a small frown. “I think I’m going to get in the shower.” I said feeling sticky. He smirked.

    “Want me to come too?” I rolled my eyes again.

    “No thank you,” I said even though I wanted him too. He laughed.

    “Fine, fine, fine. I’m going to get something to eat.” He stood up and I went up the stairs dragging the blanket with me. I got jeans and a t shirt from my drawers and underwear plus a bra. I went to the bathroom and stripped. As I looked at myself in the mirror I realized how bad I looked. My hair was a rat’s nest and my makeup was running. I looked tired but my skin was glowing almost.

    I smiled and the girl in the mirror smiled too. I turned on the shower and got in. I turned so it was hot and let it run over me. When I saw the blood going down into the drain it hit me. Tears wheeled up in my eyes and I almost fell to the ground. I leaned against the wall grabbing myself so the sobs wouldn’t hurt so much. But they did. I cried hard.

    I had realized that I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I wasn’t a little girl. My innocents were lost. That I had actually made a promise to stay a virgin before marriage. I can’t believe I let this happen! I thought grabbing my hair. I hadn’t made it with my parents. They figured I’d do it so all they promised me was the pill! But I promised myself and my grandma that I would stay a virgin until my wedding night. I would show my parents that I could. I screwed it up!

    I cried harder. I screwed it all up. Like I always seem to do. I stared at the shower curtain while the water ran, my eyes still full with salty tears. I can’t believe I just had sex with Zane. I probably won’t even marry him! Even if….even if I would he would never want to be with me. I scoffed then sniffed. Ok so I screwed up. I asked for forgiveness. I got it. I sniffed again and wiped my tears off my face. I can’t let that happen again. I went back to the water and let it drain everything away. I’m not a little girl anymore and I could pay for this one day.