CH.1 how my father died

    You know how they say when you are a baby you don't remember anything? ITS BULL.
    When I was 18 months old my dad told my mom to keep the little b***h. He didn't want anything to do with her... she’d be a whore like her mother. My mom told him he wasn't worth the pain she had to endured from him... that she couldn’t stand the sight of him... that he was the one not worth anything. He got so mad. All the blood rushed to his face. The veins in his neck began to pulse. That was when it happened.
    He raised his hand to her. My mom tried to defend herself from his drunken rage. She tried to duck out of the way from his huge hand but she caught it across the face. She tried to run but he caught her arm and threw her into the wall. A hole in the shape of her body was left. I had to watch as he tore her clothes off and pushed her to the bed. She was screaming at him to stop. I started to cry. I could feel her pain; she told him to stop over and over. Three hours later, he was finally pleased with the job and pain that he caused. When all of his madness was gone from his eyes, he stopped and got away from her.
    “You don't ever talk to me like that,” he said with a devilish smirk on his face. That was the only day I could relay remember from when I was so young. I could remember his shaggy blonde hair, his green eyes. I couldn't stand the fact I had his eyes that was the only trait I had of him and I still couldn't stand it.
    She cried with me while she picked me up and tried to comfort me. She told me tonight is going to be the last time. She told me the same thing for 13 years. I knew it wasn't true but I kept telling myself she could do it she could leave but she never did.
    It was 3 days until my 14th birthday and I said to my mom I didn't want anything but for my dad to go away that's all i want mama I said. She told me that wouldn't happen and she was sorry.
    My dad came home one night he smelled like beer and women’s perfume. It was clear he was drunk as normal. He had cherry red lipstick on his neck, jaw, and face. My mom tried not to let me know she had seen it, but I knew she did. I could see the pain in her dark brown eyes. Just the way she looked with all the pain she had and tried to hid but I could tell. I wanted to kill him so badly, but I knew if Idid I would hurt my mom more than he did. I hated every fiber of his being. I cursed the day my mom met him. I was waiting for the day he would die and I had been from the day I was born. I couldn't stand to be around him. He was the reason i would never let a guy see my weak side.
    I would never fall in love. I would never be as weak or as fragile as my mother and so i would protect her.
    That night, my mom went to the hospital. That night was also the night his heart stopped beating. He took his last breath. I would never let him hurt any other person. I don't know why but it felt like it was my responsibility to make sure he would not live to hurt anyone any longer. My mom was safe once more in her life. I would never have to worry about him ever again. I was so happy.

    You know how in the movies people start getting paranoid?I never had to worry about that. I had no little voice in the back of my head saying what's right and wrong. I loved my mom and she was coming home tonight. I had no clue what I should do with the body. I knew that if she saw it she would be heartbroken and right then I could see her looking at me with tears in her eyes and looking like she didn't know who I was. I couldn't take it then I released I was crying because I felt little worm tears trickle down my face. quickly wiped them away. That was when I grabbed the feet of his bloody body and I drug it to the garden. when I finely got his overly plumped body there I covered him with a tarp. I would bury it tomorrow when my mom was sleeping. I was so tired from dragging his fat body that I forgot I left the hammer I had used in the kitchen. I walk back to the house silently taking in all the night. It was a nice night not to cold not to warm. The stars where out and it looked almost like you could reach up and put the moon in your pocket. The stars burned brightly it was like everything was happy he was gone.
    I walked into the yellow and white kitchen and looked around. My kitchen had a bright yellow color on the walls and the cabinets where a nice white and there on the counter next to the the living room door was the dark red hammer. I grabbed the hammer and I stalked up the stairs to wash it off. The bathroom was a deep blue and had marks on the wall where my dad had banged my mom into the wall and makeup was smeared on everything. As the blood and the water washed down the sink I said to myself I could never harm my mother like he did. I would help the girls at school,that I would kill any guy that hurt a girl in front of me. I hate all of them. They where dirt to me I would give them what they needed. I cant take it all this that happened to my mom all the girls in the world they all need to die all the men in the world.
    Mom got home around 10 that night. I was lucky I just got done cleaning the blood. I was so glad I did it before she got home. She looked so bad. Her left eye was swollen shut her lip was busted open her face was purple and black you could see the fist print on her jaw. When I saw it I could feel the rage built up, but I kept it hidden so she didn't think her face was that bad.
    The sun was going down and it was 8:30 pm so I told mom she needed to lay down for the night. I gave her the sleep medication from the hospital. Then I helped her into her dark purple night gown. It faded in with the bruises. Then 10 minuets latter I lay under her bed and started to draw and with the sound of her light breathing, I feel asleep knowing she had no more pain to suffer. She didn't need me anymore.

    CH.2 my new life

    “Stop!” my friend Mea screamed as Tammy slammed her into the lockers. Blood ran down her face. I think she busted her lip. Tammy is the school b***h you mess with her, you die. At lest that was what I was told.
    I just moved here from Georgia. Mea was the only person who would talk to me. She says because I’m different, no one will talk to me. She said it was the way I dressed and acted. I always dressed in black and kept to myself mostly. She also said my eyes scared people they where a dark green with a black ring around them and i had a brown star like thing going around the pupil. So to them I was an outsider but i didn't care. I am the way I am.
    I wanted to help so badly but I didn't know how to fight I was so helpless if she wanted to fight me what would I do to her? Mea screamed and broke my thoughts up and then she screams again and asked me to help her and I knew I had to. I hesitated then grabbed Tammy's hair from the back and I slammed her face in to my knee. I think I busted her nose when i did because she was bleeding every where and i hurd a loud crack. I had blood on my jeans and hands. I pushed her into the showers and she hit her head on the floor. Mea looked like she was going to cry and she begged me to stop. I don't want you to get hurt by her any more. I said slowly. She grabbed my hand and said if you kill her more people will suffer than me. Let go Is what she told me. I couldn't help myself but to let go.
    “Don't mess with her any more,” I said harshly. She shivered and she curled into a little heap on the shower floor. It was covered in blood still. I turned on the shower head to wash away the blood. Then I walked out of the locker room the halls where empty. I guessed it was because it was about five and school let out two and a half hours ago. While we walked I thought it was to quiet. As we walked home together she asked me if I would spend the night. Ok I know it was crazy to walk when it was night and I had a car but she wanted to walk so that's what we did. I told her that I didn't mind it was all up to her. I saw her face light up and I knew I loved her more then my life. She reminded me of my mom so much I had to hold back my tears that threatened to spill over my eyelids. She said great and we walked to my house so I could drop some things off. I also had a surprise for her. My house had two floors and a porch that wrapped all the way around. It was white at some point in life but now it was a grayish and the once red shutters are pink. It was also surrounded by trees: oak, pine, willow; you name it it was there.
    I drooped off what i didn't need and got all my stuff i did and we walked out the door. I stopped. She didn't see me stop so I cleared my through and said, “do you want to see my garden?”
    She looked at me with her eyes sparkling and I guessed it as a yes. I grabbed her hand and covered her eyes then led her behind my house to a small fenced area. The gate was covered in a dark green English ivy and golden honey suckles. I pushed open the gate and I heard her gasp at the site of all the colors. I had roses that where,red blue,green,and purple, tulips, morning glories, lilies,and lilacs. I had vines climbing the stone walls with reds and greens. When her eyes spotted my pond she looked like she wanted to go swimming. My pond was stone and I had water lilies and gold fish swimming. In the corner more hidden I also had some vegetables growing. She didn't breath for half a second. So when she started to breath again. I said close your eyes and smell the air. why she asked?Just do it, was all I had to say. She closed them then I said now smell. She did as I said now open them and smell again. wow what is that. When you closed your eyes you couldn't see what you where smelling so your smell could pick up what you couldn't see.
    Look I said there was a small spider making a web in my roses. You see that moth. The spider eats the moth then drops the body to the ground and the plants take the body and makes food. My garden is all natural i didn't add anything all I did was plant and keep it watered.
    After we left my garden we walked to her house. I had a car but we wanted to walk. So we could see all of the beautiful things on the way. Her house was white and there was nothing special about it. Her room was pink, blue, and green. It was repulsive, but I was her guest in her house and I respected her. We walked in her kitchen it was a pale yellow and gold. The counters where not centered right and would come up if you leaned on them. Her floor was a little off. The tile was not right. After we walked out of the kitchen we where in the little dinning room it was no bigger than a small trailer bed room. You could only fit a small table and a few chairs but it was nice homey if I might say. It had a faded hard wood floor. It was scraped up so you could tell it was used. The walls were a nice shade of dark green. I didn't know how but it all fit together in a way.
    We walked through the rest of the house; it was nice but could use some work. We watched two or three movies Excalibur and The Craft I think. We had popcorn and soda. “Do you like butter on your popcorn?” she asked.
    “I don't care,” I said(i had never had popcorn). She said ok with a smile and turned around in a flash. The way she smiled made me want her. But I knew I couldn't have her and that's why I had to protect her. That's all I wanted to do now. She must have came back while I was thinking because I didn't see her come in. Do you want any popcorn she asked?I jumped and she giggled. You scared me the crap out of me I said. I loved The sound of her giggling; it was calming to me. I know it sound weird but just thinking made me fell sad, being alone did it to. I was happy I had her. After we where done with the movies it was late. We where going to go to sleep when she asked, “where's your family?”
    “My dad died when I was 13, and my mom a couple years ago,” I replied.
    A wave of sorrow washed over her face.
    “How did they die?”
    “My mom died in a car crash a drunk driver hit her head on. The doc. told me she died on impact. What about your dad?He was murdered. I said. To her it sounded sad,I had a cupel of years to work on the way I say things so it would sound like I mean it. But when I said it I was happy I could have jumped around and sing “I killed my dad I killed him haha”. Well who do you live with now? She asked clearly trying to make conversation wit me. My ant,I said it slowly enough that someone would know I was lying but she didn't catch on so I was safe. The truth is I didn't live with anyone I live alone is what I wanted to tell her but I couldn't. O was all she said to me. I didn't think she caught on I don't know. I herd her yawn and slowly drift away in the middle of saying something but I wouldn't dare wake her up to find out. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. I watched her for a minute. Then I got to work on the house. I started in the kitchen. I tuck hold to the counter and I puled it. It wasn't glued down and it fell on me I laughed a little. I got up and put the counter back up. I needed something to put on the counter to make it stay on the wall. I thought I saw a building out side on the way in to the house. I walked out the door to the building. I got there and got hold to the door and pulled and nothing happened. I looked at the door and there was a padlock on the door so I looked round the building door for a key. I felt on the top of the door but I couldn't find it so I looked into the window and I saw the key I laughed at her she always found some way to get her self into something. There was a open window but it was up two stories. I looked around to see if there was a later any where but just my luck nope. I was about to go back inside but then i saw a tree it was a oak and even better it was a big oak so I walked up to it and grabbed a hold of one of the lower branches and swung up to the next I did this until I got up to the window then I swung in. As I went through the open window and I looked down to see where or what I needed to grab and there was no second story so I fell. wow I said when I hit the ground but it was a little softer than the ground I looked down. I love you whispered and I did because there was a giant fishing net that had caught me before I landed on a concrete floor. I rolled of the net and thanked her again. I started to look around on a shelf there was paint a hammer nails a scraper but know glue. I sat down and thought about it for a minute. I saw a gum sap tree on the walk here so I picked up a bucket the hammer and some nails I got the key and climbed back up thru the window. I walked down the rood a little and found the tree I put a nail to the tree and hit it with the hammer 4 or 5 times and puled it out I put the bucket under the hole I made and I watched as the sticky yellow sap pored out into the bucket. I got the paint the sap the nails and the hammer and walked back to the house. I fixed the counters I put the sap under the counters and it stuck the counter to the cabinet it would harden in a few hours so next I pulled up the tile on the floor and used the sap to stick them back down the right way so it would look good. I was about to paint the walls but when I looked in to the bucket saw it wasn't paint it was stain. I went into the dinning room and moved out all the chairs and the table and I started to stain the floors and then the table and chairs to the right color. It was like forever and the sun was coming up when the floor was dry and the other things where finished. I moved the table and chairs back into the room. I opened the Windows to get rid or that horrible smell the stain left. I looked back to all my work and I was proud. I went in a laid down just when the sun was in the sky. I woke up about 12 and I got changed I think she saw what I had done because there was a plate of hot food on the table and a note that said”

    Im sorry I had to ditch out on you like that but I thought I would let you sleep in thanx for all the hard work the place looks batter
    signed Mea

    PS. I left the keys to the barn in the key rack thanx for getting them love you
    that note mad me feel so alive and its been so long I forgot the feeling.


    I walked home and when I got there I sat on my porch and just listened to the sounds of the day. I smelled the smell's of life then I herd a screeching coming from my garden. I leaped up and ran to the back to see what this sound was. When I got there I was winded. i sat still for a moment to catch my breath . When i looked up i saw a baby mountain lion was stuck in the garden it looked like it had been abandoned by its mama. I walked up slowly to the gate careful not to stratal It. The tanned of its fur and the shininess made me want to touch it but I would rather keep my hand so I kept it to my self. The cub was no bigger than a large house cat and it looked half starved so i wanted to take her home to feed her. I looked around and grabbed a empty seed bag and opened the gate all the wile careful not to take my eyes of the little beast. I knew what one even this small could do to me. I cooed and I talked to the little lion for at least an hour when it had settled down a little I slowly walked offer and snatched it up in the bag it screamed and hissed at me. A lion this small couldn't rarr loud. I tuck it into the house and got a small baby bottle and I put some milk into it I released the baby from the bag. She ran and clawed all over the place I was glad I put her into a metal tub now. I tilted the bottle up and asked if she wanted some she came over and clawed at my hand. then I slapped her on the snout and said NO. She looked at me like I hurt her. Then I said its ok just dot bite or claw. I just met this strange critter and I was already taken in by its beauty and the grace of it’s walk. I loved it already. After I went down stairs and she flowed me she stumbled down a couple of the steps so I bent down and pick her up. We still need to get you a name. I said to her. How about Jasmine she looked at me and put her tail and her head down. Ok I take it as a no. How about Saffera. When I said that name her head shot up fast. Safer it is then. I said. When we got to the end of the stares I put her down and we walked to the kitchen. My house was old fashioned. In the hall way the walls where an old grayest black and a built in book case was on the right when you came down the stars. It was a golden brown I knew it didn't go with the rest of the colors but I loved it. The stares where in a spiral and where a coper brown so you could tell they had been used. I had built in book cases and hard wood floors everywhere you looked. It was an old plantation house. It was lost and forgotten when I found it and I faxed it up and i had 3 years till I would be 18. Then I could be by my self and no one could say anything to me. Iv been in this house for a year and I would have to move on soon but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay hear with Mea. I don't know what I would do if the police found out. I would probably get into trouble and go to a home. But I think I will chance it for her. We got to the kitchen and I got a pack of meat out for me to eat. It was a reddish color so I sliced it up and I put in in the pan to cook. When the steak was a nice dark brown and the middle was just a little pink I put it on a plate and started to eat. I made one out of two and I forgot about the other one until Safer started to cry. She watched me when I cooked the steak just a little so it was browned on the outside and still red on the inside and I gave it to her. I guessed she was the right age to eat solid food.
    Wile we ate together I thought about getting a better job so I could provide for her and Mea, she wanted to move in with me, she liked it hear with me so I had a room set up but I didn't know how I was going to tell her I live alone. I didn't want her to worry about me because iv lived on my own for more then 6 years.
    Saffera ate her food like I wouldn't feed her ever again. I felt so bad for her you could see her bones. It looked so bad on her. But with my love and care she would grow up strong.
    We went back up stairs to go to sleep. The way she walked with such grace. Her movement went with the beat of her paws. She never messed a beat. I looked back one time and I saw she had fallen and I smiled and laughed a little. She got back up and we went up to the room where I was staying in. I walked to the end of the room to where a big old fashioned door was and I walked into my bathroom. It was a nice size. It was about the size of a large master bathroom. Though it wasn't the biggest one in the house. I ran the water into the bath tub. I guess I had to use my body wash because I didn't have any thing for her yet. I would go shopping tomorrow. I grabbed the pinkish body wash and lathered her up in the strawberry scented body wash along with my self. I could tell she didn't like it but she tolerated it. When we where all soaped up I turned on the shower head and washed of all the soap. I started to think what will Mea think if she saw my Saffera? Would she get scared would she like her like I do? I will think about it in the morning but for right now I was tired and my mind was racing a million miles an hour so in the morning.
    I got out of the old mettle bath tub and wrapped a towel around me to keep the water from dripping to the floor. I let out the water from the tub a grabbed a pink and white towel from the rack that looked like mine and picked her up and wrapped her in it. Once we got back to my room I laid her on my bed with its soft blood red sheets trimmed in black lace with a black rose in the same black lace. The pillows where the same. When I put her down she walked to the head of the bed and laid down. As I put on a pair of paints and a t-shirt I could feel her watching me with her golden brown eyes. Not a predator but also not the prey. I turned around and walked back to my bed a thought to myself what will I do when she gets bigger or fully groan even will she stay tamed or will she go ramped and kill every one? I didn't know. But I will not chance it I will stay with her and if she's ok with me ill let her meet Mea. That was my last thought before my eyes fluttered closed and I fell into a deep sleep listing to Safaris heart and the warmth of her body on my chest.


    I got up around 12:00 i don't sleep in that much but I could tell my body needed it. Its been a week from the time I found Saffera. I haven't talked to anyone but it was a safety thing, but we needed to go and get things for the house, like food, soap, and other things. I had gotten Saferra trained to go out side. So when she had to go she would scratch at the door. Now the paint was coming off so I would need to get something to put in the door so she wouldn't scratch all the paint if it. I made us some fried veggies from the garden and when she ate them I wondered why she did. It wasn't right for a lion to eat vegetables. On the 3rd day of me watching her I found out she liked to eat vegetables that where not cooked it was weird but it was how she was. When we finished eating I put the dishes into the sink and washed them off. I was looking at the old sink and made a mental note to myself that I would need to get some dish soap. I walked up the stares to get dressed for working in the garden and herd her little paws padding up behind me. She had gotten the hang of walking up and down the stars now. We got to the top of the stares and where walking to my room when she started to hiss and the fur on her hackles went up. It wasn't a playful hiss it was like a I will eat you hiss. Then I herd the front door open and a soft voice I realized right away. As fast as I could I pushed her into my room and shut the door and ran down to where she was standing and pushed her back out the door and on the ground just in time to see safer come running down the stares. I slammed the door shut. She started to complain about the fact i got dirt on her new shirt. You should be happy I got to you before she did i snapped. Right then saffera started to claw at the door. NOW STOP that's all I will here of it. She hissed then got quiet. I opened the door a little and she was sitting down and looked calm so opened it up and left a little space so she could see Mea in the door way. Her fur was still up,but she wasn't going to attack her so I opened the door up all the way. It was clear to me that Mea had not seen her or even know what she was. Mea this is saffera I found her in my garden and iv been taking care of her. Mea looked at her and then at me. WOW!!! How did you get her to calm down? She asked me in a quiet voice. I just told her that I didn't want to hear anymore. Why? Because,my brother works with big cats like that and I watch. He can never get them to calm down like that. How long have you had her? she asked. That made a smile come to my face about two weeks maybe three. Well do you want to come in? I made a cake and I have coffee. Ok was all she would say I guessed she was stunned that I had a lion in my house for two weeks and was still in one peace. I was a little stunned myself.
    Mea was so wound up in her studies she hadn't noticed I wasn't at school until just now and she wanted to check up on me. My dad said i could move in with you when ever I wanted to now. I mean that is if you are still ok with it. She sounded so stressed. No.yea i mean yea its ok if you move in. You just tell me when and i’ll help you pack. Then out of no where a little devilesh grin came. I already packed and i kinda have the van in the frunt yard.