• Have you ever experienced the phenomenon of disenchantment?

    I have believed in the darkness in humans: their hate towards each other, their hate toward themselves. Though I never have completely understood the meaning of "human". Does it lie beneath our subconscious, trapped deep inside the neurons of our brains, or is it something more? Is our humanity truly controlled by our hearts?

    I saw darkness in others, I stayed away from them.Alas I felt like a dying flame inside the sealed bottle, running out of air. I started sharing their darkness and becoming one of them, one of the sinners. I honestly never understood my own humanity, so how could I judge it in others? In this life I have finally found a purpose.

    Until one day...The darkness around me started to dissipate when I met him. He was more then I have hoped for. He possessed that light that drew others toward him. That light that drew me in and dissipated my pessimism. Maybe he was the answer to my question.

    The first time I met him, the first smile that he presented to me… I knew that I had to take possession of him. I don't understand my true feelings therefore I cannot explain why I had to possess him… whether it was curiosity or envy, I don't know. In any case, I shook his hand and said " Welcome". One simple word, but to me it meant everything. From that point on, he was part of my dark world.

    I was curious, whether his light will get lost within my darkness or will it completely erase it. His pure words and actions took over my principles. I could feel my shadowy world slowly turning away from its own eclipse. Finally I have found someone who completes me. Together we were on the right way towards defining humanity.

    When suddenly my newly-created world shattered. It happened when I saw his true face. I saw the darkness that hid beneath the bright radiating light. His warmth and his gentleness became overrun by greed. He was no longer the same. At that moment I lost my interest in him, to me he became one of them. He lost his self-value, he lost his self-respect, he lost his light. I fell into disenchantment.

    As if woken up from a spell, I realized that I forgot what the real world was like and what it does to people. During that brief moment of contentment that he brought to me, I managed to lose myself. And now I was again, alone.A blindman looking for a vision,an outcast of darkness, the believer in the impurity of people, the believer of low standards in people. The eclipse of my soul has commenced once again.

    I will continue living in this solitude until I find the next bright warm light that will not befall a victim to the oppressing Darkness. I will grieve and hope that my voice can reach you and guide you to me. Until then, my destined…