The man with no voice

• Artist: Dove King
• Description: Two people. A girl and a boy. Both talking about the same man.
• Date: 02/10/2009
• Tags: people

Hello!!!!!. Yes. Who are you? I'v never seen you here before. O sorry. My names...... Your names what? Hey come back. What? O yea. Its Blue. Your names Blue. Lol. What is so funny about it. Nothing. No say it. I can take it. Nothing okay. Thats what I thought. So what was it you wonted to talk to me about. The man that lives over the hill. O that man . What about him? When I first got here I had no idea were my new house was. So I went up for some help. All he did was give me a look of sadness, and ran off. So what's up with him? Maybe he look at you. What was that. Nothing. That man has no voice. What!?! No voice? Yea. Wow I thought it was me. So why would he run off like that? Okay their is something you should know about him. That something would be? Stop talking!! wow. Sorry. Last year around this time. That man came here with one box in his hand and that was it. The next day I want over so say hey. When I got there he was looking at that box like it was his life of something. Then he started to talk to it. He talks? burning_eyes Okay so when he went out side I started to talk to him. You know how are you things like that. All he did was talk about his voice. How he like to talk to him self . things like that. Then the next day he had no voice. Thats it? Thats it. Bye. Okay

Comments

[HeWhoWantsNothing]

No attention paid to grammer or punctuation. instant 1 star

[Macaroon17]

the box and then suddenly has voice. That could have been really good, but instead you just end it in the middle of everything starting. Try Again~

[Macaroon17]

poor grammar, and punctuation, but you kind of had a good plot going, until you ended it suddenly... I feel like you just got bored, or stopped caring and ended it. Also, every time a character talks, it should be on it's own line. Using the enter key will help. Also, it needs more detail, because just by reading what is said, the reader won't know that it is a guy and girl talking, and who is the guy, who is the girl? Also, as I said before, you had a good thing going, with the man talking to

[SDK Manga Girl]

This seems like a conversation you would have in the gaia town or something, NOT a story. Also, are you SURE this is non fiction? This thing hurts my eyes and my brain and is in serious need of the "Grammar Paramedics". See how I used "quotation marks" ??? Okay, let me say this nice and slow. First, you press the "shift" button to your left. Then, you press the button with the " sign. And "ta-da!!!", you get something called "quotation marks". Get it?

[B R A V E N E S S]

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[Thorn Of The Sky]

Wow,I dont remember commenting this,so Ill comment again.
Please you quotation marks.Do you know how confusing this is for your readers if you post like this? Who says what? How are we supposed to know that this isnt two aliens talking about a pig?This was confusing,and didnt really deserve much praise.

[ConsultingHallMonitor]

excuse me guero but your many different parts and comments about his story had many mistakes too. ALOT!