• I never thought the day would come,
    When we'd have to say goodbye,
    But now the time has come,
    As I wipe the tears from my eyes

    Everyone was dressed in black. It began to rain, light pitter-patter of rain drops. Croy leaned over and grabbed the back of Damien's neck; a slight gesture, but it meant more than that. Damien looked down at the casket, nothing else. Anything else could not compare to this. So morbid in his mind.
    "He's in a better place, Damien," Rose whispered lightly.

    Damien hadn't moved in the last twenty minutes. The funeral had started since then. The only thought that pierced through his mind was that Josiah was never coming back.

    Rose squeezed his hand, as the dirt covered the marble casket. Damien's body was trembling slightly. It almost felt like his blood was being drained; he kept silent.

    The priest said a final prayer, as the dirt engulfed the white marble. The rain grew to a swift drizzle. Everyone left, Damien had stayed.

    On his knees, the dirt was cold, wet, and fresh. It was cold against his face.
    "Josiah, mi'love.. Come. Come back to me," He waited silently, for a laugh, a moan, a noise. Anything. The tears dropped from his eyes, and the rain picked up. "This is a joke, Jo'. Please." His beloved's nickname rang in his ears, as the minutes passed and the rain dropped even harder. He began to tremble some, and whine lightly, "You said you would never leave, Josiah. You wouldn't leave me," he whispered.

    "Damien!" Rose's voice cut through the silence, "Damie, get in the car! You'll catch a cold!" Her deep amber hair was pulled back into a bun, a black frilly skirt swishing in the wind, her face looked a bit desperate.

    "My, Damien, look at you," She took out a little cloth as Damien approached, wiping the dirt from his face. The motherly flair in her eyes, so obvious.
    A little sniffle slipped from her, and she smiled lightly, "You will be fine, m'boy."
    She hugged him close, her hands at the nape of his neck; she was a bit shorter.
    "You will be fine."

    On the car ride to the airport, Damien sat in silence. Since Josiah's family wanted him buried in Germany, Damien and his family got tickets, and flew out.

    The look on his face is not good, Loralie noted. She sent her thoughts over to James, making sure her thoughts couldn't be detected by Damien.
    It was kind of complicated with two mindreaders in the family.

    Let him be for now, Lora. Mikheal will be with him for the night, when we get back to New York. He will be fine.

    Silence filled the car, until they arrived to the air port. By then, Damien had loosened his tied, unbottoned his shirt, and began to look ragged, and exhausted. He needed a distraction, but there would never be one.

    All through the flight, his family conversed; wondering how to keep Damien sane, at least for the first week.

    Loralie, that's hardly the point, he can't be left alone at all, you know that. Lest we have a repeat of last time, James concluded.
    The whole family shivered in their seats.
    He'll starve himself, he'll lock hismself away, and perhaps he attempt suicide again; this time he might not get so lucky, James's voice was assertive in his family's minds.
    He'll resist, This was Mike now, He'll resist, and do what he wants. He threw himself in front of a bus, right in front of me, you don't think he's not going to try it again? He's not a child, he knows exactly how to kill himself.
    Mikheal, that's enough, James's voice cut him Mike off.

    In his seat, Mike crossed his arms. Insidentally, he had been sitting next to Damien.

    Don't think I don't know what you guys are talking about. I'm fine. I wish you'd just forget it, The thought crept in the back of Mike's head, and he looked over at Damie.
    Damien had already gotten up for the bathroom.

    Too tired of these lonely nights,
    I've lost everything,
    That meant anything,
    You're still ringing in my ears,

    Back at home, Damien was left to himself. He finally conviced his family he would be fine on his own. Locked in his complex, he was left to his thoughts.
    Alone, in his thoughts.

    He spent most of his time sitting on his couch staring at the couch in front of him. Remembering the first time Jo' and him ********. The first thing he had heard Jo say.
    "Yeah? Suck my d**k."
    So inane, but grabbed Damien's attention.

    Other days, he spent his time staring out the sold panel of glass, that was the farthest wall of his living room. It over looked the town, and some of the park.

    The house was filled with Josiah's sent. Eveywhere Damien turned it was a swift bash of his scent over and over. When he wasn't in his livivng room, he was in bed, or locked up in the room behind his studio, the metal room with scratches on the wall, as if a giant cat had been taunted in there.

    Even as he had locked himself up, the room in pure silence, he could still smell Josiah. Still hear his laugh. See his smile. Replay the words, "I love you." Could hear his moan. His sighs.
    His vocals reverberating in his mind.

    And in my dreams,
    I've tried running but I can't,
    Escape from you in my memories

    "Damien, please, please come out with us. Celebrate the birth of Croy's daughter," Rose pleaded.

    It had been months after Josiah's death, and ever since, Damien had locked himself in his complex. He even asked the gaurds to remove any of his family from the building, if seen.

    "Rose, I'm not up to it.." His voice was ragged, his loft dim, in the late afternoon gray. His mind tried to search for an excuse, "I'm piled high in bills."

    That was such a lie. He had the finacial status of a multi-trillionair. The most he was was piled high in, was money.
    "Honey, if you need some money, you know we can alw-"
    "Rose I can handel it myself."

    There was a slightly silence on her end of the phone.

    "Well. Well, okay my boy. Take care of yourself." Her voice seemed timid.
    "Yeah, mum. I-. I will." He hung up.

    Sinking into his bed, he fell into a soft sleep. The kind where you dream. But this was not the same kind of dream as he had before. Not a normal deam, or the liquid dream.

    It was a strange dream in which he was running. Each time he dreamt he knew that for some reason, he needed to run. He would run and run, and grown tired, and somewhere along in the dream, his limbs would start to fall apart. Blood spattering everywhere. He would soon lose his legs to the unexplainable, inescapbable doom. His body would atrophy, until he was nothing but the black that lined the ground. Sometimes in his dream, Josiah would appear, weeping at Damien's atrophied body, crying, "You could have saved me!"

    It was those dreams that kept Damien sane. In some way he could still hear his angelic voice, see those golden curls.

    It's what kills me slowly,
    You kill me slowly with the way,
    I know you won't come back,
    And I regret everything I said,

    The months dragged on, and for all Damien could remember, it was only a few years. Time seemed last forever. A minute felt like an hour, and hour felt like ten. A week, an month, two months, four. His concept of time was limited to the time he was dreaming, or the time he was thinking of ways to end his life.

    Should it be painful? Slow?

    Half the time he spent awake was dedicated to these thoughts. Sometimes he thought about other things, and sometimes he passed out from hunger, but most of the time, he thought about Josiah. With ever passing second he felt closer and closer to death. He could imagine just how sweet it would be to breath no more.

    The city is so cold tonight,
    It's exactly what I feel inside,
    I only wish I could ask for,
    One more chance,

    Mike had had enough with Damien's nonsense. It was almost a year. A year full of life, and happiness. Croy had a beatiful daughter now, Marly. Loralie, and Mike were engaged. Who else would be his best man? Certainly not Raz.

    "Man, Damien. Open the ******** door! You know as well as I do, I can take out all your gaurds with a can of mace. Don't make me kick your door down." Mike's voice was hard and obviously pissed off.

    Damien stood against his door, hand on the handle. His face was flush aginst the wooden barrior.
    "Damien I can smell you, open up!" Hi pounded on the door, a bit too hard. It almost cracked.

    In hopes he wouldn't have to pay for another door, Damien unlocked the door, the tumblers in the lock making the slightest click.

    Mike opened the door, pulling Damien's shoulder, slamming it into the hallway wall. His face was furious. Damien simply stared out at his 'brother'.
    "I don't know who you think you are, but you're a damn fool if you think I'm going to sit around as you do this to our family again." His hand clutched harder against Damien's shoulder, causing blood to gush out of his wound. He made no sounds of discomfort.
    "Tell me!" Mike yelled, "Tell me whether or not you honestly think I'd let you die here!" Damien stayed silent.
    A punch to the gut, sent Damien's head forward.
    "The answer is no, pigbrain."
    A knee to the gut sent bones to break, sent blood to Damien's throat.
    "Here's the nice thing about you being a personal punching bag," A punch to the side of Damien's head; a suckerpunch, "I get to show you how pissed I am, and send you to the hospital for legit reasons."
    A kick to Damien's gut, sent him to the ground, a loud thump.

    Damien spat up blood, as Mike kneeled next to his brother, "Rose, James, Loralie, Raz, me, we all miss you in our lives. Rose misses her baby, James misses his son, Loralie misses her front man, Raz misses his best friend. I miss my brother."
    "I know he was your everything, but god, Damien. You mean something to us too."

    The air in the garage was cold on his skin.

    It's what kills me slowly,
    You kill me slowly with the way,
    I know you won't come back,
    And I regret everything I said,

    Somewhere between the drugs, the beer, the hospital, and his family, Damien was out in his own mind. He had gotten over being in the hospital, and stopped taking his pills. He and the gang finally got their EP out, and he was back at his loft.

    He kept his family at bay, and his feelings inside.

    The city is so cold tonight,
    It's exactly what I feel inside,

    The dreams never ceased, and nither did his thoughts of death. The only thing he could hold onto now, was the feelings he would never leave behind. The pain he bared.

    Even when he smiled, those eyes help no emotion.

    It's what kills me slowly,
    You kill me slowly with the way,
    I know you won't come back,
    And I regret everything I said.