The night of the shooting star

• Artist: DTDsora
• Description: I lay there staring up at the beautiful sky on a crisp Autumn night under the big red oak tree in my backyard. Once a year the people in the city turn out the lights for the annual night of the shooting...
• Date: 10/10/2008
• Tags: night shooting star

I lay there staring up at the beautiful sky on a crisp autumn night under the big red oak tree in my backyard. Once a year the people in the city turn out the lights for the annual night of the shooting of the stars. While gazing up, I saw something weird. Six shooting stars lined up in a formation, each with a different color trail. Then, just as weird as it came, it BLEW UP!!! Then, suddenly, a crash of the rainbow meteors hit the earth in the city. I ran over to the crash site, which was conveniently placed by the park, to discover that they weren’t meteorites, but pods. Five of the pod where open, but one was just opening. I ran to look what was inside. It was an egg.

To be continued

Comments

[DTDsora]

Monicaluvsu, that is a good Idea and Yukino Moon, thank you for that kind comment

[Monicaluvsu]

The idea is nice, but some of the details were thrown in a way I don't like (which doesn't mean it's bad, mind you). For example: instead of explaining the annual city-turn-the-lights-out, pretend you don't even know you're giving them details. "I sat down and waited for the lights to turn off, just like they did every year." It'll take a few more sentences, but it sounds a lot better to me. Also, you could use a few more commas.

[Yukino Moon]

looking forward to the story its good