Curse of the black shadow

• Artist: aqua_dimond101
• Description: Nothing to discribe read the story.
• Date: 07/15/2008
• Tags:

Once upon a time far far away in the black forest a dark force was growing
it was the black shadow and it is about to mark it 6 sacrafices to arise his master that is supposed to destroy everyone who dared to defy him and his evil rath apon the retched village baron t'was named after the towns mayor's son. But our story here is about a young girl named marry she was a very bright girl, and very very beutiful. But was very very sad her family had been murdered by bandits. And was left with her her aunt and her uncle the last people that were alive in he family to care for her but were'nt nearly pleasant.
But what she did'nt know was her poor aunt and uncle were marked for the 6 sacrafices for the seance to arise his dark master. But what will happen is she won't be left alive by the "bandits" the darklins will soon find her and kill her.
But lets hope she would be alive to tell this tale.

Comments

[Fayne Darkness]

Ummm... Okay, you need to work on your periods, your comma's, and your plot. It is terrible, too fast, not enough details, and all that. You need one that you can make it long, because this only took me a minute to read, not even. It goes too fast, and you jump waaaay to much. Details, and you also need to talk about one thing more often. Like: why is the black shadow rising? What's it's story?
I wondered that. Need an example? Search my name for An Angel Within A Demon.

[Hi im Riven]

messy, really messy. I've seen worse, so I'll give you a 3/5.
put in commas and periods. also, you jump everywhere; first you talk about one thing, and then you suddenly talk about another, and so on. I also suggest you use Microsoft Word before submitting your work. Your story has a great meaning to it, but you should really stick to my instructions.

[SomeAnotherDay]

umm, how about an beginning, middle, and an ending? ...and some commas now and then could be nice..
Add that stuff and could acually be a good short story.