Tired of falling in love. Starting to doubt myself.
Too tired to hold my arms up.
But can't fall asleep.
Maybe I'm just not the type to fall in love?
But I love so much. I love my friends, I love those I talk to, I love the friends I chat with online, I love my family (though I hate them as well), and I love my kitties that I consider family heart
. I also kinda loved (in a juvenile way) those guys I had crushes on long ago as well as recently.
It seems so unfair. Though I try not to focus on it, though I try so hard to push it away and replace with happy things... In a corner of my mind, it's eating me up and taking a part of me away. It's scary to think I may go my whole life without loving someone. Or that when I do, I'll be too old to really care. Too tired. Too numb. Too used. Too ab--well. Let's try not to get too melodramatic.
Relationships don't seem to last that long with me. Though, to be fair, that's my fault. There's always something missing, and then I do something to end it, whether intentional or no.
I'll think for a moment I know what love is, but I really don't. I'm afraid of the day that I'll wake up and not care to know.
-I think I've found someone
that I'd love to like more than a friend. (lol. Did you see what I did there?)
But to be truthful, I don't really know him as well as I'd hope to. And even if I did know him well, we live in two different worlds almost. I'm also doubting he likes me back. xD I don't even know if I actually like him more than what's considered platonic.
All I know is that I trust him a lot. He's interesting. I think about him alot--for example, I'll be doing something, or something may happen, and then I'll think of telling him about it. He gives me this warm feeling in my chest, and it feels almost like my ribcage is going to burst open and my heart will eat me alive and create thousands of offspring to take over the world...
... Sorry, short attention span. It's been a late night that's went right into the morning, and I still haven't slept yet.
What is love? Bby don't huuurt mee. Don't hurrrt me. No mo'. BU
My cat's in the chair beside me, giving me this funny look like "R U FKN SRS? LOL" and now he just turned his back to me. Ouch. Stingy feline.
-Don't know why I'm writing this.
I already got myself a journal to write in. But I guess the potential replies and the not-so-confidential-as-you-may-think situation may be more alluring than I thought.