Why do I feel like I have said something I should not have?
Why do I feel like I want to cry?
I feel as if I have lost you a little bit.
You were supposed to be my friend.
I have thought of having a forbidden affair with you.
I do not know, but maybe I am crushing on you.
I am probably also just not happy with my current affairs.
I wish for so much more.
It is possible I am crushing on someone else as well.
I feel like I am cheating.
I feel like I am doing something wrong.
It is all so incoherent to me.
This sinful heart of mine,
I want it to all go away.
I thought it romantic to have an affair,
Just like what I have witnessed on television.
I have committed a sin against God.
I have committed a sin against the one I love.
I cannot be trusted.
My mind as well as my heart,
None of which can be trusted.
I heart this message loud and clear.
It is not muffled like so many of the others have been.
I need to back off.
I need to leave well enough alone.
I need to stop dragging the men along my string.
I will shake them off.
I will shatter their hearts.
I can see myself in the mirror.
Just look at the dark woman I have become!
I am not just some sweet little girl.
I am a monster!
By doing this,
I am hurting myself.
I am hurting others.
I am not being true to anything.
I have grown up well enough to know better.
Yet, I continue.
When does it end?
Where do I draw the line?
I feel like such a slut.
I need to move on.
I need to forget about these two men.
Maybe I should not see them anymore.
Maybe I should shut them out of my life.
I do not want to hurt them.
I have taken things close to being too far.
Too far would be when I lay myself in bed with them.
I have considered a third one just to spite the man I love.
I get so angry,
Nothing else matters.
Not even the relationship matters.
My heart tugs on the hearts of others.
It is not a big deal right now.
It will be a big deal later.
I need to stop this right where it is.
I am going to end up on the wrong side of everything.
I am going to end up alone.
This love is forbidden.
I have strayed far enough.
I must go back to the man who lay down beside me.
I absolutely must return to his arms.
I absolutely must not think of anyone else but him.
It is not right to do so.
Everyone will find out at some point.
This forbidden love ends.
It may be one-sided anyway.
I have no clue.
All I know is that I am not a slut.
I am returning to the annoying man beside me.
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