• I tried so many time
    and now i finally did it.
    separate myself from him is not a easy task

    at the beginning
    all i ever did was to wait for him
    days and nights
    waiting for that one call that he never did

    what is it that we ever talk about?
    i can barely remember anymore
    it was fun at the beginning
    when he told me to comeback
    telling me that he missed me

    i clearly know that it was poison
    that he unknowingly giving it to me
    but lucky that I see it soon enough
    to not let myself dig in too deep

    one of the reasons I realize our toxic relationship
    was that I don't ever understand him
    we chat many time
    we face call each other
    but never once did i ever know his feeling
    what is his past

    it was then i began to question
    what is his motive?
    why is he so happy when he see me?
    what is it that hide behind those mask?

    one question at a time
    and the suspicion burn like fire
    however, that still did not stop me from calling him
    and yearning to see his face

    then one night come
    people used to say that
    what you want during the day
    you will dream about it at night
    and so I did

    it was a good feeling dream
    he came to my side
    leaving everything even our responsibly
    we kisses and hold hand
    we runaway in the dark night
    he treasure me
    we confronted our love to everyone around us
    and they accept them

    it was a dream
    about the best possibility for our relationship
    I was able to do everything I want
    But then when I wake up
    The reality seems so different

    He was not as kind
    And is very distant
    He was smiling and that the only thing he ever show me
    The feeling of having a boundary hit me hard
    That soon I realize what I have was a one-sided love

    I then tried to use that dream as an excuse to put in more distance
    That i don’t need the feeling
    When I already experience it
    It was just an excuse for my yearning
    But I became more in love of a person in my dream
    Always with full of expectation
    And I was let down

    It is from the beginning that I want more from him
    Wanting a hug, a kiss and cuddle up
    But all I ever had in reality is a bright smile
    I was disappointed
    But I still keep our relationship going
    I still yearn for him

    I want to find some flaw in him
    That would make him loose hope
    I start to dig into his personality
    But what I found was so great
    They said you’re blind when you fall in love
    And it was pointless for me to find his flaw

    Till one night
    He finally hit my biggest pet peeve
    I feel so wrong for thinking that
    But I grasp on to that reason
    And never let got

    He was just proudly boast how I call him every now and then
    To everybody
    It was then I realize his circle and relationship is way bigger than what I thought
    He tried to get me into that circle
    But I’m not that socialize
    I can’t interact with other people the way he wanted

    We just broke apart after that
    Thing did not go back to normal
    When I call him
    He always teased me
    I want to talk about my day
    But he was impatient
    So we hang up

    I know my fault in this part
    I should have listened to what he said
    And pay attention to him
    Or maybe the talk was too long
    Since I’m the kind of person that have a hard time saying goodbye
    Or hanging up

    I don’t know
    But we grew apart
    I really want to be an important person to him

    Today hearing he is interest in another girl
    It just broke me apart
    Though all I can do was
    Laugh and congratulate him