• No matter what I do chains are holding me down. “How was I born into a world like this?" "Why am I living, I breath everyday, I smile a fake smile, and I never seem to have a meaning for crying" I also always ask myself. Maybe, just maybe I should parish with the nothing I live in, the nothing I've become. That way I'll know I am about to die, and can live like tomorrow is never going to come, like tomorrow doesn't exist.




    The heavy thing on me, what could it be? Oh how I wish I could see. Only the distant future I wait for so longingly is capable of seeing it. How is it slowing me, chocking me, lowering me, till I soon let go of my life? The cold and rusty metal on me mustn’t be chains… It mustn’t be. It could only be, … my heart, the desire in it that I have built over the years. Each year, three chains… Oh how oh why? I wish I could see why I was put here, why I was brought here, why I was made here…. Why I was born.




    This place I’m in isn’t, where, where I was brought to. It isn’t. The dark cold walls imprison me. No reason, but maybe just to make me drown in my own guilt, for being brought into this world. Surly I was brought to be alone, to be a lab test. Made as a artificial life form, caved up as a loving robot. This beating heart that cant be made, but can be given up is to big, filled with desire… is too big for this body created by scientist. This artificial life form, is at it’s end.





    It seems the only things left to do is die. I have lived all my time. Not to have live in this world, will be fine. Lonely eyes stair, but faithful is still in my glares. Now this girl who had known nothing else but what she learned, was ready for execution. The bell was at it’s mark, the people were watching, and under their breathes, I felt a warm. It told me, my time to leave this world, for a sin I didn’t so. But to parish with pride, and be grateful to where I am heading. Living like there is no tomorrow is done, and my last smile is smiled. My time is up, my life is over.





    When I try to be happy, a pain strikes my heart, a pain that is almost deadly. What is it? Why does it happen? I cry. Knowing that laughing will end up killing me. I fell. When I looked up, I saw your face. What does it mean? Why were you there? You held out a hand, and a smile formed on my face. It hurt, badly. I put my other hand on my heart and kept the smile, knowing the conscience. As I fell to the ground again, he picked me up. He carried me to a river, filled with nothing, and layed me there, knowing I was dead, he visited me every day, not caring of anything, any weather. He loved me. He, killed me.





    He said I was… and then left. But, he never left, my heart. The tears flowed out of my eyes, and my heart faded away. I wanted to hold his hand one more time, so I reached my hand out. But he was gone. I moved my hand to my cheek, and it was cold, and my eyes were red. My shivering heart sank, as I fell into nothing. And then, I was alone. The snow that fell became warm, and my toes became blue. I was dieng.





    The dark sky grew darker, showing us it’s ways. The birds flew away, things then changed. The town was on fire, the people’s houses were in ruins. People who had once laughed were dead, and people with the nerve to smile, were punished,. This wasn’t a planet any more. Or I was just in hell.






    My heart breaks. My eyes darken, and my old smile is devoured by sadness and pain. Living with a long to live is always a good excuse to be happy, but it’s all a lie. All of it. So to get ride of the pain, my excuse is running until there is nothing left of me. Until the last tear has fallen. Whenever that will happen. I will wait for it. I will wait, even if that is forever.





    Waiting for love….. Waiting for a new beginning. Waiting for death. While awaiting, I will go through happiness, and sadness, and a feeling of respect, horror. But, knowing that I will soon be with you, I will learn to decline it all. Through the passing says, I was happy. And, I now cry, because I made friends. But, I am ready to go. I am ready to be with you. Be with you. I’m ready now, are you waiting? I’m coming soon.






    I should be happy, but I’m drowning in sorry. In regret. I wanted to endure him to me. So I spent every waking moment with him, and dreamt of him. I tried to connect each other, but I failed. I ended up in pain. I try to forget that moment. But it comes right back. It seemed like the right thing to do, leaving without a goodbye. But it turns out, I am the only one in pain. I figured out, that love is just another way of saying I don’t want to leave your side.