love and stars

• Artist: Sevella
• Description: A poem I have been working on myself its taken me a while but i think i got it please comment and let me know if it is any good
• Date: 12/13/2010
• Tags: love stars

Pain and hate
With careing love
Always know that u are loved
Just as much as the stars above

Above the stars in the sky
I want to reach out to u
and ask u why
the pain and hate
and Putrid love
Keep the grace
into your heart
Because that is the place
it should always
Start..... heart

Comments

[INFJ Demeanor]

In my opinion, lines should never start with an and. Try lengthening your sentences, finding a series of words that process more fluently, and try to use a more extended vocabulary. Just my two cents.

[Sevella]

Thanks ill note that

[Yutora]

You could work on it a bit more. I don't like how it switches from the first part into the second -- suddenly feels like a different poem (while at the same time being the same? Did that make sense?) Otherwise it's sweet and simple. 4/5.