Careless people

• Artist: Anon Needs A Username
• Description: Psh I'm not referring to the oil spill at all
  >.>
  <.<
  Was gonna be a song, But I can't sing. Kinda sucks though considering I have the guitar notes written down.
  Oh by the way, it's my first song/poem, go easy on me. I'd rather get constructive criticism rather than all out hate comments. Thanks.
• Date: 11/28/2010
• Tags: careless people

Carelessness
of the weak minded fools
they all act like
a bunch of tools

Take a look
don't be afraid
the carelessness
is a good thing
the weak minded fools
make the world tick tock

Careless
acts are all around you
while the weak minded fools
sit around in their pool

But good part is
the earth's still alive
but the bad part is
it's suffering as they dive

As the earth begins to hurt
the weak minded fools
don't take alert

At the end of the day
I guess I have nothing to say
but the weak minded fools
seal the earths fate

Comments

[Anon Needs A Username]

They make the world tick tock, as in weak minded idiots run pretty much everything on earth.
A poem is personal to the person who writes it, so you can't really judge a poem just because you don't know what it has to do with it.
Thanks for the crit. though.

[inking the world]

ummm i like the first stanza. i am not sure how the last line of the second stanza fits. maybe find a different word to rhyme with in the last line of the third stanza. the fourth stanza could be better with a different choice of words but i like the idea. the third stanza kinda breaks the rhythm you had going with the first and third stanzas. in the last stanza maybe choose a different word than "but". but overall very good. i like it