Roses Red, Violets Are Blue

• Artist: Marie Flamel
• Description: Random poem inspired after reading "Lamb To The Slaughter" In english.
• Date: 09/17/2010
• Tags: love murder poison

These roses are red,
These violets are blue
And here
My dear are chocolates for you.

Now Dear,
That you've eaten
And the wine has been drunk
I have a confession
My heart has now sunk.

The flowers are painted
Under they're black
The wine, it was poison
The candy was too
They were flavored with death
For me and for you

The fire is dieing,
I'm sorry for lying but to be true
All this deceit and deception
Started with you

Dear
Please do not hate me
Or take your love back
Because my dear lover
I just took up your slack
Now my sweet boy
You're getting it back

Remember, my sweet,
Through all this trouble i went
All, my dear, for love of you.
Ah, yes my dear
So true, so true.

The wine was once red,
Our skin has turned blue
But dear now you know
How much I loved you.

Comments

[SebastianStardust]

I really like the poem, but it's so dark and you're full of sweetness and light, people around you must be jerks to put you in a mood like this. =p

[Rae Simmons]

Sorry about having to break it up like this, but you're only allowed 500 characters per post. And good job by the way, I really liked the poem. smile
P.S. Please read backwards.

[Rae Simmons]

the difference between a poem that slips like wind through the audiences mind, and one that leaves them with a sour taste in their mouth. Just be patient and you could have them bowing at your feet and quoting you for years to come.

[Rae Simmons]

or reading it to a friend, and making a note of any and all places that snag, or make you have to adjust. Then do a little trim work and reword the parts that stuck out to make and overall smoother piece. And remember, a comma can make

[Rae Simmons]

Now breaking the flow can be a useful tool to create discordance in a piece, but that discordance needs to be carefully placed or else you run the risk of looking like you just haven't edited it. I suggest reading your poem out loud to yourself,

[Rae Simmons]

Oh wow, that's a very intense poem. I love the concept of it but there are a couple places where your rhyme scheme was a little off. That's the danger of rhyming poetry like that, you get into a flow and when that flow is broken it's hard not to notice.