Grave

• Artist: Silent_Traceur
• Description: It's just something that came to mind. I'm not much of a poet so comments might help me fix any flaws... no hard feelings towards any comments.
• Date: 07/20/2010
• Tags: grave strife

At last we come to meet
A mind to share, A lasting beat
Do I trust to care for another life
Or are my feelings just a joke
and therefore,
destined for strife
driven to be crushed....


God might answer, if I ask him right
but to have truly wanted answers.
He'd have shown me light
so my prayers for her might bear some fruit.
As to what that needs to be done,
so sad to be the digging one
and not know what to put
in this hole settled on my chest. I ask
who is it for this gaping hole.
My feelings for her
in plain sight whilst I fall
as public eyes watch
my vision blurs
as drops of rain fall in this open cradle.
I cut off all ties
and fill this pit with engravings of crimson
and lead.

Comments

[bram toker]

What I see here is potential. While some lines are dull and vague, others are very interesting. Overall, I think this was a good piece, especially for one who doesn't consider himself a poet. To improve, you need to learn to recognize which parts of your work are good and which are not. Then you can compile to favorable pieces and improve the unfavorable ones.