• "Existing”
    What is existence? How is it that no moment, not a second that passes, can be turned back? What is the significance of our lives and their experiences?
    Why are we constantly being born and dying; why don’t we simply last forever as does a stone? Is each life as infinitely small as an atom in comparison to the universe; do we really matter? How am I able to conceive my existence; do I really exist as I belive? Is it possible I will wake up one day and be none of the things I am today, and realize my life exists only as a dream? Could there be a way to tell?
    I am afraid of ceasing to exist. I hate realizing that my name could so easily be erased from history. It petrifies me that, once everyone who knows me is gone, after I die, I will be entirely forgotten with time. What can I do so I will live on, if only as a memory?
    I dread the future. I see change and evade it where I can afford to. I wish I could return to blissful moments in my life and stop their aging, and live in those moments forever, unchanging. I regret many choices I have made, mostly those where I did not use my time wisely or to its full potential in experience. My advances toward the future are always hazed with nostalgia. How does one move forward when they are always looking back?
    I sometimes don’t believe I exist. I cant always be sure that I am not insane, and every person I know is not a figment of my imagination. I often think it strange I was gifted with my five senses, and have yet to understand them completely. I think, but there is no conclusion that can be drawn from this; after all, what does it mean, “to be”? What is thought, and why does it determine existence?
    My own knowledge causes things to be real for me; the universe exists for me only from my perspective. Everything is mine; the world is my creation full of only what I know is there. Then, if I truly think or believe in anything, is it logical to say it exists from my point of view?
    I believe these conditions of thought are normally considered to be of an insane intellectual. So then, what is insane? Reality is defined as being so only when the majority of a people consider it to be true. Perhaps the majority is wrong, and it may be that reality lies in our dreams, and this world is simply the thought. Am I, then, immortal as time, and will live on as a never ending thought in this world?
    I believe that dying is the same as sleep; you close your eyes, and have a dream, a nightmare, or neither. A dream could be comparable to what we consider heaven, and a nightmare could be similar to hell. Then, will having no dream or nightmare be comparable to dreamless sleep, where you open your eyes to a new life, unaware of any lapse of time; is it reincarnation?
    If I exist I will forever fear my cessation, and as time passes I will never proceed without my wish to reverse it. I hope I make a difference, and I plan to not be forgotten. I think, so I could be.


    Kyruki Kaze whee