• i know it exists.
    i know its there.
    i know that it is a part of life.
    a part of the cycle.
    it happens everyday.
    right from the beggining.

    as much as i know, it is barely anything.
    ive only ever experienced this kind of pain three times.
    but each time was different, yet the same.
    they invoked different emotions, but came from the same cause.

    death.

    when you died.
    my emotions were once again different from the others.
    the first time, i was confused.
    not yet old enough to understand that he was never coming back.
    the next was one of shock. it happened so quickly.
    the third was greif. yet relief as well, because her pain had finally ceased.

    now this. i still cannot think about you without tears forming
    in my eyes.
    my heart has broken many times over now.
    the first emotion that rises in me is guilt.
    somehow i feel like some of it is my fault.
    maybe if i had taken the time to really get to know you.
    you might not have died.
    maybe if i didnt take for granted how happy you seemed to be.
    you might not have died.

    the next emotion is disbelief.
    how could something like this happen to someone
    so young and full of life?
    why did you have to go?

    i feel anger.
    i feel sadness.

    yet nothing can bring you back.

    one thing i ask of you.
    what is it like?
    to die.
    what happens next?