Oh, Rachel.

• Artist: Chloe_actually
• Description: I wrote this for my best friend when she was having boy problems. Not my best work, but comments are always appreciated. thanks!
• Date: 07/04/2009
• Tags: rachel friend

She said she was done
with his neverending maze
said she'd like to run
from his frightful games,

said she would leave
him back in the dust,
never to grieve
his poetic lust,

said she'd go,
said he'd be gone too,
oh she said she would go,
but what did she do?

Comments

[TheSunshinecyanide]

5/5 However for a great start. ^^ Hope to see more.

[TheSunshinecyanide]

I hope you dont mind constructive criticism because here it is. The power and metaphors would be much more powerful in your poem if you didnt force it into rhyming meter. Poems dont have to rhyme. Rhyme can be a distraction, your poem was suffocating.