The Spell of Death

• Artist: Kaladia
• Description: This is meant to sound old, but I'm afraid it just sounds wierd. Please be nice, and bear in mind that this took me a grand total of five minutes to write, so it may suck (ha ha... no pun intended). And for any idiot who might want to actuaully try it: don't. It requires murdering people. If you murder people, I will put you on my 'ignore' list. And stake you.
• Date: 01/19/2009
• Tags: spell death vampire immortality

A mind as sharp as daggers ever striking,
With souls as dark as darkness' evil liking,
A blossom, bosom brought the fresh of youth,
To bite the back with dripping, hanging tooth,
Hunt beneath moon's scowl, full of hatred,
Heart, empty yet full of darkness unabated,
With oozing flesh of hand you do death beckon,
To fall upon your victims, as devil reckon,
Two scythes that om'nous fall from parted lips,
To peirce pure flesh with dripping, glistn'ing tips,
Leave victims fresh where they do hollow lie,
Take their life but do not let them die,
To this you shall succumb as darkness drear,
Fills the moon and carries you to me here,
Speak this thrice at midnight, for each blood let,
Thus immortal life and suffering you will get.

Comments

[rocko11091]

love your description...made me chuckle...as for the poem...not bad...could be better...it doesnt flow that great, try fiddling with the style, that should fix it...figurative language was great, i think you're the first to do that well....your style is unique but it interferes with the flow...but the concept is cool...not spectacular, but i like it all the same...
Concept: 4/5
Flow: 2/5
Style: 3/5
Fig. Lang/Imagery: 5/5 (first one to get that)
Overall: 3.5/5 (4)