those days

• Artist: wildflower2828
• Description: my first poem, i think it could use alot more work! i could use some constructive critisam. tell me wat you think!
• Date: 01/01/2009
• Tags: those days heart wildflower2828

remember those days
that you told me you loved me?
that you would never hurt me?
What happened to those days?
The days that we spent together
the days that never seemed to end when we were together
What happened to those days?
Cause now my heart seems to brake
when i think about that faithful day
the day that you left
and the world seemed to end
I wonder if you remember those days
now that we are seperated
I dont care if you do
cause we are not getting back together
I dont need my heart to brake again
when you say its the end

Comments

[firefox228]

its just me, but i think u could go a little deeper. and whow cares about frickin spelling? i'mm a horrribel spleller!!!

[Gender Queer Taco]

I think it's perfect
the only thing you need to work on is spell-checking it but that you already know...
and because I don't rate based off of spelling you get a 5/5 from me

[wildflower2828]

I know i used the wrong break now stop telling me that! keep the comments coming!

[Haley_Hime]

heh.. stupid... u used the wrong word... It's break not brake u stupid.... xD i jk but really... I like it... depressing... >.< something new... xD

[moonweirdo]

i think it is really good try spell check but other than that it shows alot of emotion and it isn't just a poem it feels like there is more to it in the words!
for your first ever poem i think it is freaking awsome and i love it!

[Wicker Chair]

you mean to say "break" instead of "brake"
otherwise it's good
3

[RenaChanXD]

It's good, but use spell check or something...
3/5