• You have nothing to do
    nothing to say
    and you're certainly not impressing me.
    So why are you here, who do you know
    and how is it that you still have this ability to repress me?
    I can't stand what Hollywood has done
    to me
    because I feel
    as if a fish
    in a bowl, where there is no such thing as
    reality.
    I try to depict love
    like how I feel it should be
    but other times it's like my mind just can't make
    itself up
    and then I am not any more free
    than I was a second ago.
    It's like choking me to find what makes me real
    and when I think I got it
    it is not any more real
    than what I see everywhere else.
    Which is nothing like the movies.
    All I inherit is bruises.
    And others go on cruises
    and I still feel useless
    and mind you
    I am not that way.
    I am just ashamed to live my life so
    vaguely.
    I don't quite know what to do in order to proceed more bravely.
    I hate that I have no concept
    of what is hate and what is love
    and all I got
    is some bullshit story that this man
    and that woman
    and everybody else that is human
    is telling me to see.
    Well obviously it is not easy
    and I know that s**t is cheesy.
    But do you not want something more?
    Don't you feel a restriction
    one with every possible provision
    and then you're faced with a decision
    on whether you want to be happy
    or a productive member
    of this s**t hole society.
    It is insane how I can't fathom why I can't just rake up thousands in credit card debt.
    And then I will just be set.
    Go bankrupt and start a clean slate maybe when I am like 40.
    I know that time will come to an end shortly.
    So why am I wasting it?
    How does one waste a concept anyways, s**t.
    For all I know, when this is finally over
    I will be the only person left
    and then I will wonder
    why I was not any more grateful
    for the s**t that I already had.
    Because what's a person without another
    I just keep getting further.
    I argue until I get sick of it myself
    and then for some reason I walk out with my head high held.
    Which is just stupid,
    I guess I just need to cool it.
    I get to some point, where I feel like I am so good.
    Like everything in my life is so productive, as it should
    be.
    But there is still so much left that I cannot see
    and it drives me mad, again and again
    as to why I feel like he doesn't love me.
    Even though he does.
    At least hopefully,
    I feel it usually,
    but lately
    I've been skeptical.
    Because it just seems logical
    that I am not good enough,
    and it just makes things so much more tough
    on me
    to me
    inside me
    beside me
    around me.
    I am blinded by concepts that do not exist
    and I keep thinking science is this joke
    on humanity
    to keep us all numb.
    Science has got me too though, I am just as dumb
    as anyone else
    living in their shells
    unable to fathon anything worth noting
    just like me.
    Love is not just a chemical reaction
    it is a spiritual attraction.
    Humans however, by natural instinct
    are not monogamous creatures.
    So why do I like this new society's features?
    Love him forever,
    and I feel like I should.
    I more than likely probably could
    love him forever.
    But it isn't the same as the movies make it out to be
    and I am not exactly clever
    enough
    to put an end to my own vicious cycle
    because the modern man does not live
    he merely exists among a crowd of people
    who just like him
    have nothing left to give.