"By That Man"

• Artist: xX_Show_Me_Love_Xx
• Description: I made this 4 all the women/girls who have gotten hurt by a man
• Date: 10/21/2008
• Tags:

When you look into my eyes,
What do you see,
Do you see the hurt, pain, and lies,
Are they as dark as dark can be,
I know thou dust not see it,
Only I can,
My eyes were once brightly lit,
But they were put out by that man,
When you look into my eyes,
What do you hear,
Do you listen to my cries,
The cries I shouted, shouted loud and clear,
I know thou dust not hear cries,
Only I can,
My ears once were pure of lies,
But now they're full of them because of that man,
When you look into my eyes,
What do you smell,
Do you smell all of my bloody tries,
The bloody tries that put me through Hell,
I know thou dust not smell it,
Only I can,
I once smelled roses in thy kit,
But they died and Rotted, all by that man,
When you look into my eyes,
What do you taste,
Do you taste our lips together in times,
When inseperable, like paste,
I know thou dust not taste it,
Only I can,
My lips were once with your's, a fit,
But everything was ruined, all by that man

Comments

[Lola_Bunny8696]

i love it i wish i could write like you
now im going to quit poetry because everyone writes soo good and i used to think i wrote good until i read some of your poems

[christian_vampire_rocker]

haha nice, love this
What do you hear,
Do you listen to my cries,
The cries I shouted, shouted loud and clear,
I know thou dust not hear cries,
Only I can
awesome job

[xX_Show_Me_Love_Xx]

Thanx 4 the comments. and the reason i used "When you look in2 my eyes" and went 2 a different sense is because wen u look in2 some1's eyes u may see, hear, taste, and smell wat they remember

[Ultra Mistique]

You had a ver strong message. I liked the theme. I am caught up with the scheme though. My personal opion is that it did not flow quite the way I would have wrote it but the message was clear. If you work with it I am sure you will find where the little parts are that don't quite fit.

[WaitingForGreen]

It's a good start, but the rhythm and rhyme is all off. In fact, it's important to remember that poems do not need to rhyme. Forcing a rhyme is one of the worst mistakes poetry writers make.
I agree with star that it's weird you talk about site and eyes but then use a different sense. It doesn't mix right.
Last note, saying "that man" isn't good, since you don't intend on and never explain WHAT man. Since you want it vague and general, you should have it be A man, not that man.

[A_Scared_Star]

Very well done but I think it is a little weird how you say, "When you look into my eyes..." than you ask something that has nothing to do with your eyes.