city-scape

• Artist: Nari of Nowhere
• Description: this was written thinking about the few large cities i have been to. i really love to people-watch and to me, the essence of the classy nightlife is a vintage city, when everyone dresses very relaxed but elegant: cocktail dresses and loose tuxedos, smoke and music swirling in bars and clubs after the teenagers have 'danced the night away' and retired.. when intellectuals and musicians start coalescing... i really like the in-line rhyming, especially because it kind of happened on accident.
• Date: 07/17/2008
• Tags: city night life dream soul

Paint me a water-color lullaby
That's nuclear fusion bright
Where drag queens and rental things
Own a weary night

Where wannabes and worker bees
Yearn for mother's croon
Where dope fiends and mannequins
Sob to lonely Moon--

Neon moon who hangs above
Doors opened by the meak,
Unlocked 25 hours a day,
And 8 days every week

Remniscient of childhood dreamscapes
Is the pulse that never dies
But beats and eats away at
The tragic beast that is midnight

Brother Sax's mournful howl
Sings true nostalgic sorrow
Cry long and misery-loud so that
We forget about tomorrow.

Comments

[ambereen08]

VOTE 4 ambereen08's POEM OR leave a comment plz! awesome poem

[Meth Related Nightmare]

Good meter and rhyme. Line 16 is awkward. Title is a little...blah...Liked it overall. 3.5/5

[Nari of Nowhere]

thanks, and yeah, i know, it's kinda something that just threw itself together. some of my other ones are better, but i like the interior rhyming. it came together in like 20 minutes so i'm not surprised it's not all that impressive lol

[Astaire]

This is surprisingly good. A few spelling/punctuation errors and you dance on the line of cliche with one or two lines, but your imagery is engaging and the meter/rhyme is mostly solid. I like it!