You asked me once "How can you still love me? After all I put you through. After all the pain I've caused you. How?" The answer was simple. Because I love you. Because my love for you on the day that you made me yours was unconditional and everlasting. There was never another man in my heart or in my gaze while we were together. There were those who tried but I never, not once, faltered in my heart or feelings. You were the one for me, in my heart and soul.
You were the one person that kept me going, always pushed me to succeed. It was the one time in my life when someone said positive, good things about me that I actually believed. Never before did I think so positively about my looks, my intelligence, my life. I smiled, for no reason at all, something which friends and family were easily able to pick up on. There's nobody else who has ever made me feel that way.
Every moment with you was enjoyed greatly, no matter if it was just a few minutes or a few hours. It didn't matter what we did or what was said, when I was with you it always made me happy and put a smile on my face. It was something I looked forward to each and everyday. My thoughts, when away from you, were about you: when I'd get to see you again, how happy we'd both be to be together, the things we'd say to each other.
It's been too long...too much time has passed to simply forget all the good times. Working so hard through our problems to make it work and last. That's why it pains me now to know that it's gone, that it's over between us. The difficulty lies in that your love and passion for me has ended while mine continues flowing, like a valve that can't be turned off. It pains me that you are no longer mine. What pains me more is that you now have someone new.
The positive things thought about myself, gone. My smiles now fake but seemingly real to the untrained eye. My body, I'm sure, cries out for me to stop abusing it. Pills, liquor, among other things. I cannot think of any other way to dull the pain, to turn off the hurt. It, too, seems to remain as freeflowing as my feelings are toward you.
The nightmares flood my sleep; what little sleep I'd been getting since the incident now plagued by nightmares of being eaten, raped, stabbed, poisoned. Perhaps from those nightmares my body was trying to make me realize that yes, indeed, I wanted to live. Must I continue to live in this pain and this agony?
My days without you are too hurtful, especially those days of importance such as holidays, birthdays. It's all too difficult and too painful to bear. I feel as though my heart and soul are now gone, a large piece of myself missing. Friends by my side are no help, telling me to move on, to harden my heart toward you, to hate you. They don't understand what it's like to lose the only man you ever really loved, they don't understand the deep feelings you still have in your heart for this man. It's not so simple as to forget him or to ignore the feelings in my heart.
Though the tears fall and my heart aches, despite the fact you've said we cannot be again...what's left of me yearns to be with you again. It waits for the day when you call me yours again. There's no way around it, there's no looking beyond the love I still have for you.
And so I will sit here...until my last breath...waiting for the opportunity to be yours again. It's my biggest wish and the only one that matters.
- Title: My Biggest Wish - Confession
- Artist: ArrancarYoruichi
"Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline is where I'm gonna wait for you, I'll be lookin out night and day, took my heart to the limit and this is where I'll stay,I can't go any further than this, I want you so bad it's my only wish"
Listen to "Meet Me Halfway" - Black Eyed Peas for emphasis on the whole writing; I posted this on my dA but felt I wanted to share it here as well...
- Date: 01/27/2010
- Tags: biggest wish confession
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