For my Valentine,
I came to school dressed in formal attire which I hoped you noticed me in. I got off my bus with a smile and good hopes thinking of how you would react to my appearance. I wanted you to see me and appreciate me.
The day before when we sat near the principal’s office because we were both caught with the smell of cigarette on our clothes justified that we were meant to meet. We may have been classmates for Art class but it never gave us reason to talk or look at each other, (I stared at you a lot), for us to be able to notice. We talked like we were such companions after those long and awkward seconds of staring at each other. I tried to restrain myself from staring at you so often, only when you talked to me was when I stared. I wanted to touch your face and ponder how someone so beautiful could exist and be speaking with me despite the difference between us. As we were called in we laughed such joyously at how our principal’s nostrils spew such greenish gray hair when he scolded so loudly. I wanted to kiss you so slightly on cheek’s right in front of the principal himself just to prove love was true in first sight, but of course he wouldn’t have allowed it, including yourself.
When we walked to class talking about random subjects it made me feel like we actually had a bond but of course we just met. How would I know if there could’ve been something between us? Those minutes spent walking seemed like hours, our hours, I couldn’t keep track of what you were saying. Mainly because I was mesmerized by how beautiful you are. When you stopped to give me your farewell I turned around so fast I couldn’t think of anything to say or anything to do, I just wanted to “smooch” you. But I just turned and returned walking at my pace until I heard you voice,
“Hey tomorrow valentines day do you have anyone in mind to be your v-day lover? Hehehe?”
Your laugh was so cute.
“Yeah someone in particular.” I replied so innocently.
“Well I wanna meet them. I’m planning on bring my own valentine a little sugar, If you know what I mean.” Giving a little wink to be playful.
“O-okay but it might be a-bit surprising.”
“Doesn’t matter. What can be more surprising than meeting someone who has a crush on you?
“You can say that again.” I said to myself. “Anyway ill see you tomorrow and try not to smell like smoke for your valentines.”
School was over and as I was walking home from the bus stop, I stopped by the local store to buy a box of chocolates just for the traditional I <3 U theme for Valentines Day. As I got home I finished my literature and algebra homework so fast I found myself in front of mirror practicing on my kissing expressions. When I got to bed I forced myself to sleep despite the fact that I was so nervous about today. Then I got myself to thinking if you felt the same in return for me. I tried to think that even if you didn’t feel the same way towards me then that would’ve meant I was honest with you and we could’ve continued just as friends ignoring my undying love for you. But being the fool I was, I let myself get ahead.
When I walked toward you in those hallways I felt like I was walking on sunshine. Looking at how hot you looked in those jeans and how sexy your hair was, I wanted to put aside my lust and throw you my innocent love. I knew something was going to go wrong just now.
I stood in front of you looking at you with such love sick eyes that when you turned around I remember you almost punching me. I looked at you so sicken I wanted to throw myself onto you. You had a scared look in your face as I grabbed your hands and placed the chocolates. When I stepped back and I revealed my true emotions, my inner feelings, and my unconditional love, with those words,
“WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE?” I said it so softly yet tenderly because I was shy.
Damn it.i thought to myself. It was a failure.
You looked at me so surprised yet I knew you were damaged at what had happened. I wanted you to say something and when you finally did it was,
With such anger and malice, it seemed like you wanted to hit me. I knew better not to talk to you. I knew it would’ve made it worse. I knew that seeing you go made it worse for me, but that wasn’t how I wanted it to go. I was honest, yes, but I wanted you to be happy that I was honest with you.
The next day I wanted to look at you straight into your beautiful blue eyes and ask you, “why?” why did you let me go through such a thing? I confessed myself in front of you and the whole school and you’re angry. I should’ve been the one angry, no frustrated, but I knew I couldn’t be angry with you. I walked through the very hallways we were at yesterday searching for you. I wanted to talk to you. I looked everywhere, cafeteria, library, boys restroom, and art class. Yet you were no where to be found. It was until I heard that you were spotted behind the gym that I checked there.
When I saw you sprawled on the ground thinking I couldn’t help but call your name. You looked up with an expression that warmed my heart. You smiled. When you got up to speak to me I noticed something in your hand but I was preoccupied with why you were here. It was then that when you spoke, your words weren’t of positive value for my heart but something which will echo my soul, which you took.
“I hate you.”
In between your hands was what I feared ended what was between us. But I knew that for me, the moment that those bullets were flying to my chest and hitting my heart, I was set free. I was set free so I may love. Love you. My last words were the complete opposite of yours as I laid bloodied on that dirty ground. Only know that I had no choice to love, no choice to be myself, and no choice but to end like this.
- Title: Bullet for my valentine.
- Artist: Suilleabhain
i know im a little late but i had a few things to do before i had the chance to post this up.
but anyways this is about an incident a few years ago and i just want to commemorate this to a lost one.
btw nothing negative please.
- Date: 02/16/2009
- Tags: valentine lost straight homosexual