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  • Artist Info: I have a broken heart.. I'm not sure how to fix it.. I've lost so many friends, just by mere chance..<br />
    I grew up happy until four, when my parents divorced.<br />
    why is this important? my parents split and moved far from each other. I Got to see one, but not the other.<br />
    How we did this was, Id stay with my mom for most of year, then at summer, id get to see my dad for a month during the summer.<br />
    each transition ripped my heart out, going to see my dad, i was scared to leave my mom for a month... leaving my dad.. i was sad i wouldn't see him for another 11.. I loved them both and wished they were together.. all my grade school years were spent, loving the friends I had around me.. they were my new family. I also had my first crush, we actually dated (what you could call gradeschoolers dating walking around together occasionally. holding hands and saying I love you, but not truly knowing what we were talking about, to young.) No stories of her turning into a high school sweetheart here. no, instead, she moved, without warning, and I, never seeing her again in my grade school years.<br />
    Middle of fifth grade came, my mom met someone. We were going to move. Here I am again, my final day in fifth grade. ready for my gradeschool family to be torn from me.. The teacher knew I was leaving, she let me go early. As I walked down the hallway to my locker, all my friends rushed from their classrooms and huddled around me, telling me, they were going to miss me. I was so happy in that moment... I walked out of the school, got in my parents car, and left. You don't realize what you have until its gone.<br />
    New school, new depression<br />
    You get to meet new people, while getting to miss the old ones.<br />
    I showed up, was greeted with happiness. What I needed. maybe I could make this work.<br />
    Weeks went on, and I realized, I couldn't make this work. All these people had stories, growing up with each other that they could fall back on. Who was I? just some stranger to them.. I stayed quiet.<br />
    7th grade rolled around. step father was starting to get abusive. Had to look to school as a safe place now. But how, when I know no one? not true, a girl i rode on the bus with. She had slowly been becoming a great friend of mine. She was probably my best friend, someone I could be happy around. Never thought of dating her, until our final school dance, I was sitting in the bleachers as usual, watching everyone else enjoy there dances together..<br />
    But then, she came out of nowhere, my best friend. asking me, If I wanted to dance as friends! I said of course! we went out there, and we started slow dancing to the music.. as friends. I was so happy. The dance ended, this was a night for me to remember.. my first dance with a girl. "I was so happy, does she like me?" i thought to myself.<br />
    I wanted to investigate further, it made my heart pound thinking about it, but the school year was coming to an end, I wouldn't get to deepen our relationship any further until next year. The last bus ride with her came and her stop came, I had a note, ready for her, for when she walked by, i made sure to get a seat in front of her, <br />
    The note didn't say anything to serious, just a little drawing I made for her, telling her to remember me over the summer..<br />
    The bus stopped, and the time came for her to get off. I had the note and was ready to give it to her, but was so nervous. Here she came, walking right next to me, I watched her, as she walked on, and I still had the note in my hand. I messed up, I couldn't do it.. she got off the bus, and we moved to the next stop. "its okay" i thought to myself. I will see her next year. I spent that summer, with her on my mind, the possibilities of what could happen to us. It was so exciting, maybe someone I could let into my life.. <br />
    8th grade year came, I GOT ON THAT BUS AND I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE HER!<br />
    one problem<br />
    we reached the school and she never got on it.<br />
    "maybe she gets rides from her parents now" i thought. The day passed by, and I didn't see her, "maybe she was sick on the first day of school" I didn't let it get to me.<br />
    A week passed<br />
    Still no sight of her<br />
    "maybe shes just late from coming back from a vacation" <br />
    I thought to myself, keeping my hopes up.<br />
    A month passed<br />
    she wasn't there<br />
    "maybe she was really sick and couldn't make it for the first month"<br />
    No, 6 months passed, and I gave up. I was to fatigued, with my hopes. Just waiting for her to walk through those bus doors, or walk through the school hallways. Every single day.<br />
    it wasn't until a couple weeks later, that a close friend of hers just happened to mention that she had moved away. That was all I knew...<br />
    I gave up, I was done trying to connect with people.. I couldn't handle another person I loved torn from me without warning. I was anti-social for a good two years. step father was more abusive than ever, i relied on xbox live for friends and a family. You could say, I was help raised by the older gamers of the community, I looked up to them..<br />
    sophomore year was here, I started to mellow out, and just go with the flow. I was able to just relax more now, because my mom realized how abusive my step dad was towards us so she split from him. I didn't care what happened to me or anyone, what happens happens. Now I could feel safe at home. I was finally starting to just be happy again, just forgetting the past.<br />
    In this time, I started to gain more friends, and wouldn't you know it, my best one was a girl again. I thought to myself, I am not screwing this up like last time, we are friends, just friends, i'm going to keep it that way. I continued to tell myself this just to realize I was growing closer to her every day. But i couldn't let a repeat of the past happen, not again, so I tried avoiding our connection. I started talking to someone I barely knew online, someone I happen to meet while visiting an old friend who lived far away. What I did was foolish, but I looked to that girl for a relationship While having to avoid the girl closest to me.. This girl grew on me though, up until the end of junior year, I couldn't just ignore her, I actually took her to Prom. I didn't know what I was doing maybe this was right, maybe it was wrong, I didn't know at the time.. We had a good time, and hadn't been this happy for a long time. But at the end of the night, instead of looking to her, I was looking to the future. Looking at the girl who I had only met once. The night ended and we went our separate ways.. <br />
    just friends<br />
    summer came and I was ready for senior year, I was ready to leave this place and be with that girl I thought I loved. I went up to visit my old friend and see that girl. <br />
    finally<br />
    When it came to seeing her, my breath was taken away, she was the most kindest, most lovable person you could ever meet. But I only got to see her for an hour. Our time was cut short, <br />
    this is what love is, right?<br />
    I already had to head back home, I was only able to visit my friend because I hitched a ride with his grandparents. I wanted to stay, to be with her more.<br />
    But there was nothing I could do, I had to go back home.<br />
    while riding back, I was thinking how to get back to see her.<br />
    <br />
    All this was happening while my mom had met another guy.<br />
    the problem, he lived in another town, and we would be moving there.<br />
    she asked me, how I would feel if I went to a different school for my senior year.<br />
    Then I thought of something.<br />
    Did I really have anything at this school? <br />
    I didnt know, I didnt care, I just wanted to be with that girl again. The one who I barely got to see.<br />
    So I told my mom, if you let me buy a bus ticket to go back to this city, i will go to this new school. She said ok<br />
    So i did it<br />
    I used all my birthday money to get a bus ticket and see that girl again.<br />
    This is a whole story of its own, but I will save it for some other time.<br />
    The point is, I got to be back in this city, for another two weeks. <br />
    Only to find out, the Girl was "sick" so i didn't get to see her at all..<br />
    I went back home, and stayed faithful. The thought "make it through this year in this new school, and you can be with this girl"<br />
    So my senior year, just flew by, I didn't let anything get to me because nothing mattered. This new guy though, the one my mom yet, he had worse anger problems than the last one. I used the idea of moving out of here and into that city at the end of the year medicine for any tough times I had to deal with him. <br />
    End of the senior year graduation was the last thing on my mind..<br />
    The girl from my old school was still on my mind, the one i took to prom. And I was still on hers. This was my choice, Take a chance and be with her, staying here, Or taking a chance with the girl in the city far away. I had talked to that girl from far away a lot by now. she was a good friend of mine now. "screw it" i thought to myself, i couldn't stand being around my house anymore, I used my graduation money and moved away.<br />
    I got to the city,<br />
    i got there...<br />
    and the girl I was thinking of this whole year<br />
    wasn't as into me as I thought she was.<br />
    I spent a couple months there, just to watch the girl of my dreams. fall in love with another....<br />
    Where was my place?<br />
    I didn't know anymore....<br />
    in trying to avoid an ancient problem of mine, It is exactly what i got...<br />
    I got home sick... I moved back<br />
    The girl I used to talk to, she moved on with life, going to some other college.. but she left telling me that she did like me.. but i had gone... I screwed up... <br />
    The only girl that liked me, was the one I avoided..<br />
    and now here I am with no one...<br />
    now I have to live with these mistakes...<br />
    Now I watch the world pass by me, as I stand stuck<br />
    in the sands of the past..<br />
    <br />
    I have a broken heart..
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