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Guys,<br />
I know I was a bitch sometimes. I'm sorry. Usually, it was my depression talking. Or rather, it was my depression demanding solitude.<br />
I'm tired of this excruciating routine. I miss my (irl) fiance. I loved him more than anything. He was my waking thought, and I'm sure he'll be my dying one. I know I didn't lose him in the worst way, but he won't give me the time of day. To someone who relied so heavily on him, that...is more than heartbreaking. He promised he would help me through my depression after we became friends again. He promised he would help me home. I promised I'd be there for him, too. Stephen Gibbons, you were my best friend in the whole wide world. I love you. I miss you. I hate that you abandoned me. But I guess I was only dragging you down. I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me for this. I tried so hard. I did. I tried my very, very best. You told me a little while ago, very calmly, very sweetly that you wouldn't be angry, just very very very sad. I hope that you were telling the truth. I don't want your anger. I don't want your sorrow, either. But...I don't know...for some reason....I guess I'd just prefer that you didn't hate me. >__>;<br />
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((The order of these notes are not to be taken in an emotional light. They are the order in which your names came to my mind. You're all important. Every single one of you. If I didn't mention someone, it isn't because you didn't mean anything. I'm just very short on time. LOL get it?? No, but seriously. All of my friends are dear to my heart. Be strong.))<br />
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Corey,<br />
You were my best friend in the history of forever after Steve. You brightened my day and made me feel needed. You made me laugh when no one else could. You made me believe I could do anything, and you made me feel important. I love you so much. Don't ever forget, you're as smart as you believe yourself to be. You can do anything. Remember that before anyone else. Thank you so much for making life just a little more bearable.<br />
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Keria,<br />
You're young and full of fire. I know we don't get along as well as we should have, but I do care about you, as angry as you make me, sometimes. But, you were my "galpal". I love you, too. Grow up. Live life. Have fun. You don't need me.<br />
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Drew, <br />
I know things are hard. Oh, god, do I know. I don't have any right to ask you to stay alive now. But I really...reallly, really, really pray that you do. You're funny, sweet when you want to be, and fucking cool. BTW, you have pretty eyes. Wish we could have hung out. Wish we coulda smoked together. Wish I could have helped you more. I feel like I failed you. But then again, I failed myself, too. I'm so sorry.<br />
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Saul, <br />
I know you feel liked I failed you. I don't know what you're going to do, now. But you can get through all of this. Your family needs you. The irl one. And the world needs your intelligence and passion. Don't give up. Aren't I a hypocrite? I believe in you as much as I believe in any one else. If you weren't lying about how you felt, then that should mean more than the world to you.<br />
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Daniel,<br />
You need to have more faith in your abilities. You have one of the most amazing senses of humor I've ever come across. Share it with the world. You inspired me. Do everyone a favor and stop hating yourself so much. You're amazing. Do what you do best!! Soldier on. Thank you for caring so damned much.<br />
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Alirio, <br />
You were an odd one. I never could figure you out. I wish we could have actually met. I wish we could have talked about our writings more often. I wish we could have gotten our novels published and celebrated together. I wish.<br />
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Ahj,<br />
You made Gaia more fun for me. I don't know how much that means to you. I wish we could have had our chat. I wish we could have gotten closer. You seem peculiar and funny, and you're a very bright man. I salute you.<br />
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Red,<br />
You, my dear lady, are very funny. You made me laugh, too. Which is a bit hard. You were there when I didn't expect anyone else to be. Thank you. Continue on, you fiendish she-devil.<br />
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heart <br />