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I can't stand any other part of myself being anywhere else but to places I've attached myself to. I am a walking contradiction. I want no part of me to exist anywhere but here on Gaiaonline. I have been through years of online usage. (Hah! Acting like it was a war or something. No, I'm just entitles and spoiled by early internet era.) I want to delete all of my accounts from everywhere I can. In the past I simply transferred accounts to spam emails, But now I've come to want everything gone. I tried settling for transferring accounts to spam emails but I cannot even transfer or change emails to online accounts anymore. I think my desire is getting mixed with this autistic obsession to just have the ONE spam email. The ONE active email. I just want two emails. But since accounts are old, things changed, etc. I can't have that. Such a first world problem thing to complain about. I just want that but I cannot. I only wanted to organize (you heard it right) MY INACTIVE accounts. Why am i still obsessed with inactive accounts? I don't know. I've been logging all accounts I make since I started going online since I was about 12 or 13. I'm mad at myself for not deleting them when I still could.


Again a walking contradiction. I want two opposing things. I want all traces of me gone EXCEPT for Gaiaonline. I understand the ABSOLUTE STATE of this site has gone downhill (I should know; I've been on Gaia since 2008 (my other account)). But I am still attached to this site and don't wish to let go. How is this contradictory? I want to disown my social security number. I don't want to be an official citizen anywhere, I don't think. NO I don't want to kill myself. I want to disappear except for the occasional bursts of energy here and there on this site. I'd be happy with the email to this account existing, too. Two emails, my Gaia accounts. That's all. I'm just butt mad at my younger self for not deleting when I could have. > sad