Chapter Seven ENOUGH OF THIS! ****************************************
At this point, it was becoming clear that someone, or to be more precise, almost everyone save for our group in that apparent room had it out for us, and wanted us all dead. But I never expected what was going to come next.
As the red light above the camera came back on, Zagan turned to face it. “Welcome back, and we have come to our Final round, “Quick Fire Lies”, and we start with… Waffle King Richard.”
Taking the newest card placed before me during the break, I began reading it aloud.
“I can write so well with my right foot, that to save time writing Christmas cards…”
Everyone started giggling at this point as I looked towards Markangel as if to ask him for some support. Putting on a brave face, I continued reading the text. “I simultaneously write one card with my hand, and one card with my foot.”
Zagan, still chuckling, turned to Daevas. “What do you think Daevas?”
Daevas simply grinned and said “I think we just want to have a demonstration. So can you write one card to Zagan, and one to me?”
Zagan stood up and brought a chair forward for me to sit on as I walked around the front of the desk I’d been seated behind. “Here you are. Two cards, two pens, and a chair.”
I proceeded to take off my right boot before shoving one of the felt-tipped pens in between my big and middle toe over the sock. I then placed an open card by my foot, and held the other card in my left hand whilst putting the other pen in my right hand.
“So set the scene for us Richard. It’s the run up to Christmas and?” Zagan was trying to move this along somewhat.
“It’s the run up to Christmas, and I’ve just realized that once again, I have left it a little late to get everyone’s cards mailed off. So, as you can see, I have one of the pens being held by my right foot, and the other is now in my right hand, ready to go. A card has been placed as you can all see by my foot, and I have the other card in my left hand. And so I think you will agree, ladies and gentlemen, along with the orcs, demons and such, that I have demonstrated it perfectly. I mean, what else is there to do?”
Hurakan chuckled before replying “You still need to write the cards Richard!”
“But we’re running out of time Hurakan! I think we should wrap it up now. We’re simply just out of time for that.” I then imitated the sound of a buzzer before trying my best to imitate Zagan, albeit poorly, as my dialect sounded like I was from the American Deep South all of a sudden, even though I wasn’t. “BZZT! That’s the buzzer! That’s the end of the game!”
“Have I moved to Alabama” Zagan asked before telling me “Get on with it Richard! Start corresponding… NOW!”
Feeling disheartened over the fact that I had not been able to get out of the whole situation, I began writing the two cards as requested. I think they turned out well, although some people might question the card which I had written for Daevas, which was the card that had required the use of my right foot to write. It wasn’t as legible as the card I had written to Zagan. I did give my best attempt below to recreate the two cards accordingly, so I will let you, the reader be the judge on how I did.
“Still, I can see why this is such a tremendous time saver!” Daevas noted about halfway through the challenge.
“Come on slowpoke! Hurry it up!” Zagan said impatiently as I finished writing the two cards.
“There you are! Two Christmas cards that are complete!” I then retrieved the pen from between my toes and closed up both pens before proceeding to put my boot back on.
“Can I have a look” Daevas asked with intrigue.
Zagan took both cards and brought them over to where the other three demons were seated. “This is your one Daevas.” He then handed Daevas the card which I had written upon with the magnificent strokes of the pen held by my right foot. “If someone had sent you this in the mail, you’d think that they desired to be cursed for all eternity, wouldn’t you?”
Jokingly, Moloch stated “I think I’m going to go with True.”
Daevas quickly looked at Moloch as if he was going to ask Moloch if he were out of his demonic mind, but then realized that Moloch was joking about his belief that the tale I had just told was true.
Going back to his own chair, Zagan sat down before asking that all important question to the trio of demons.
“So, are you saying that it is true? Or is it a lie?”
“It’s a lie” Hurakan said calmly.
He quickly found Daevas and Moloch nodding in agreement.
“Yes, it is a lie” Daevas replied.
“Alright then. Richard…” Zagan was trying hard not to laugh. “Was it the truth? Or might it have been a lie?”
Walking back to my own chair, I sat down calmly and replied “It was in fact… A Lie.” I then pressed the button, and the word “LIE” appeared on the screen behind my team.
“Yes, it was a lie. Waffle King Richard doesn’t write Christmas cards with his right foot in order to save time. Next up… It’s Waffle King Richard.”
I glanced at Zagan in shock. “AGAIN?! Jeez, why not give someone else a try?”
“It’s just how the game goes” Zagan replied whilst I reached for the next card in front of me. I was not prepared for what happened next.
“I once took my swimming trunks off in the communal area of the ladies changing room after getting out of a pool and misreading the signs because of my foggy goggles.”
The whole audience, save for the other AMG members in house, all erupted in laughter. Not as much of a laugh along, but laugh AT what I had claimed to have done, with chants of “Pervert” and “Loser” raining down upon me ears.
“Daevas’ team, what do you think?” Zagan asked.
“Where was this pool?” Moloch asked.
“It was at the Sportsplex” I answered.
“Right. Where was the Sportsplex?” he then asked.
“It was where the indoor swimming pool was” I replied.
Daevas gave me a look, as if telling me that he expected a better answer, or else. I decided to kindly comply.
“It was the Nepean Sportsplex in the old city of Nepean, which has since been amalgamated into the new city of Ottawa back in Canada. Although I’m not sure as to its name these days, or if it is still around” I explained in detail.
“Okay” Daevas answered.
“Did anyone see anything that they should not have seen?” Hurakan asked.
“Four people looked, but no one saw anything.”
Markangel and Lilith both laughed at that.
“I’m curious to know at which point you were planning to take off your goggles, if you say that they were all fogged up” Zagan commented. “When I get out of the pool, I shake off the excess water, and then put the goggles up on the forehead. I don’t walk to the changing room with them on. There’s no way you would walk that far with foggy goggles on.”
“Well, I am extremely short sighted, and they are prescription goggles that I wear.”
Daevas fell forward laughing, almost hitting his head on the desk.
“So you were going to wear them home?” Zagan replied.
“I wasn’t going to wear them home. I was going to put my glasses on when I got to my locker.” I was already regretting this.
“So the reason why you kept the goggles on that stopped you being able to see-” Daevas started before I interrupted him.
“Oh, the irony!” I replied.
“Was so that you can see” Daevas finished.”
“The pure irony of it all.” I answered.
“So, you get into the changing rooms…” Daevas continued.
“Yes. Now at this point, it’s goggles off like this” to which I mimed lifting the goggles up to my forehead.
“So now you can’t see anything now” Zagan commented.
“I can’t see a THING! But there was no one in the room at that point, and thus it’s my swimming trunks down like so…” I then mimed pushing my swimming trunks down to my ankles. “And that’s when I heard the voice.”
“And what was the voice” Daevas asked.
I then tried to imitate as best as I could, a high pitched voice to the best of my ability. “Hello! I live in your swimming trunks. No wait! That’s another story for next week!”
“No, that’s the children’s story that you’re working on” Daevas replied.
“That’s right actually” I answered with a giggle.
“I still feel that publishers will be nervous to print it” Daevas suggested.
“What did the voice say?” Zagan asked.
“The voice said “Excuse me” in a feminine tone. So I responded with “Excuse me, you’re not supposed to be in here.””
Lilith then got involved in the discussion. “Did you NOT question yourself at that point?”
“Question Myself? I questioned her! “What are you doing in the Men’s changing room?” I said.” I then smiled. “Let’s do a little roleplay here, and I’ll give you an idea of how it happened. Lilith, could you be the lady who says “Excuse Me” when I give you the signal?”
Lilith shrugged. “Okay.” She then stood up as I did and the two of us walked around the front of the desk.
“Right. So I’ve gotten out of the pool and the goggles have fogged up, so after squinting and making my way into what I thought was the Men’s changing room, I went to where I thought my locker was and proceeded to raise my goggles up onto my forehead, then bent over and pulled down my swimming trunks like so…” I once again mimed both acts out for the sake of clarification. At which point as the miming of the swimming trunks coming down was wrapping up, Lilith gave her line.
“Excuse me!” I must admit that her deliver of that line was of an Academy Award caliber.
I then turned to look at Lilith whilst remaining in character, before quickly miming myself pulling up said swimming trunks and then I brought the goggles back down over my eyes whilst looking shocked as to there being a lady in the Men’s changing room.
Lilith was looking at me as if I’d done something horribly wrong, which let’s face it, I HAD unfortunately done something wrong.
The demons were all laughing, as was Markangel and the rest of the team who were seated in with the audience.
“This is the Ladies’ changing room! GET OUT YOU PERVERT!” Lilith decried.
I then grinned and replied nonchalantly “I think you will find that this is the Men’s changing room. She then reiterated that it was the Ladies’ changing room, and for a minute there, I genuinely thought that she was wrong. And then I thought to myself “Oh My God! She might be right!” And then another three ladies came into the changing room, at which point that pretty much solidified in my head that she had indeed been correct all along.”
“So, what do you think” Zagan asked as he turned to face Daevas’ team again. “Was he telling the truth there?”
“I think, without a question, that it’s a lie” Moloch replied. “In fact! If it is the truth, I’m prepared to take my own trousers down right here and now on this show!”
Some of the female monsters in the audience cheered, before Daevas got involved by giving his answer to Zagan’s question regarding whether my statement about the changing room had been the truth or a lie.
“I’m not comfortable with that sort of forfeit as being part of the format of this game” Daevas explained.
“So Moloch, if I’m hearing you correctly” I replied, “You will drop your trousers if this is true.”
“That’s correct, yeah” he answered.
“Could we get you some goggles as well?” Hurakan asked his teammate.
“I don’t need them. My eyes will be closed” Moloch replied enthusiastically.
Well, I think we’re saying that it’s a lie” Daevas said in an effort to get back on track. “I’d just like to say that I’m not willing to do Anything at all, if we happen to be wrong! It’s ONLY a game, after all!”
“So you all conclusively are saying that it’s a lie” Zagan said in hopes of clarifying it. He then turned his attention towards me once more. “Waffle King Richard… Was it the truth, or was it a lie?”
I gave a look of bad luck towards Moloch whilst flexing my finger in preparation for pushing the button that was before me.
“It was in fact… Moloch… True!” I then pressed the button at which point the screen behind my team lit up with “TRUE”.
Moloch quickly stood up before undoing his belt, at which point Daevas and Hurakan both turned in order to avert their eyes.
As Moloch began getting ready to pry down his trousers, I quickly interrupted.
“Actually, if we can change it please, because it was actually a lie.”
I then repressed the button and the screen changed to reflect the word “LIE”.
“Yes, it was a lie” Zagan replied. “Waffle King Richard didn’t take his swimming trunks off in the Ladies’ changing room because of his foggy goggles.”
At that point, the end of the show buzzer went off.
“And that sound signals that time is up, and I can reveal that the ever awesome and amazing Demon team have won by 3 points to 2.” Zagan then turned to look at each of the AMG humans in attendance. Not just the three of us on stage, but also our friends in the audience. “Bad luck indeed for the humans, because you’ve all just lost the game. And with that, your true nightmare is about to… BEGIN!!!”
Suddenly, everything went dark, and I couldn’t see or hear anything. It was as if I had been teleported suddenly somewhere away from all life. It was so pitch black dark, that even feeling my hands on my face, I couldn’t see them right before my eyes.
Little did I know, that the true hell which had been arranged for each of us, was about to begin. And it would test each of us beyond anyone’s possible imagination.
A/N: What will become of our team? And will they have what it takes to pull through the nightmare which has yet to truly begin? Tune in next time to find out!
Waffle King Richard · Sun Nov 12, 2017 @ 03:55am · 0 Comments |