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This month's items are Lusty Scoundrel and War of the Warlords!
 Cliche
Sorry, but that's my snap judgement. Boring artwork that I've seen way too many times to care for, especially after our recent mountain cabin retreat where the owner had nothing but romance novels on the book shelves. And more period-specific armor. I probably won't enjoy writing this.
War! What is it good for?
You are given a top and a hat based off of four different major warlords. There is no "full" outfit, so in order to look as complete as possible, you will need to buy two. No more, no less.
The default warlord is none other than Caesar. Here you are given his gold helmet and his gold armor. Sandels not included. This is probably the only outfit out of the entire set that requires you to find only one other piece of clothing which is very common and easy to figure out. If you want a sword and/or shield to go with this outfit, you should be able to find one with some effort, but in reality, it's not needed.
The next warlord is Genghis Khan. You are given his furry helmet and his warm cloak. It is your task to find an outfit worthy of a Mongol warrior. Facial hair is a must for men. Other essentials to remember are earth tone outfits that make your avatar look not only thick, but warm as well. If you can't find any think like that that is in your aesthetic fancy now, just wait a few months when the winter line of items are released. I'm sure there will be something out by then.
Next up is Napoleon! You are given his commanding hat and his coat. Pants and shoes need to be bought separately, but you shouldn't have any problems figuring out which ones to buy. Just make sure they match the painting. Kind of don't like how you can't put your arm into the coat similar to the real Napoleon, but oh well.
Last is the famous Vlad from Russia. Here you are given his hat and his coat. Both are red like the Russian flag, and both are furry to keep your avatar warm. However, you will need to find an outfit to wear underneath the coat, as Vlad likes to wear it kind of loose. Facial hair is a must for men that want to look like they are from the region, but that's optional given the flexibility of the coat. Come to think of it, the coat is the only thing that actually is flexible in the entire set. The rest are kind of locked into their own style.
Overall, given the length of how I fired off what each item looks like, this item is rather boring. Not bottom of the barrel, but very close. The only reason you would want to invest in this item is because of that: as an investment for the upcoming (yet slow) inflation that this item will have.
Books That Make Me Feel Funny in My Pants
For those of you too young to know what a romance novel is, the little paragraph in the announcement is pretty much how one is written. There are different levels of eroticism, but they are all generally corny and unrealistic. The butt of the joke is that nearly every one of them features a cover art of a well-built man lording over a just-swoon woman of equal attractiveness. Both of which have long hair and are ready to fall out of their clothes. It's not porn, but it's damn near close to it.
Anyway, the default option is with this book in your hands. Nothing special about this option since we have serveral items, both sponsor and normal, that are exactly like this.
The next option kind of puzzles me. It's called Heated Breath, and the best I can determine from how it is drawn is that this is suppose to look like your breath when you are all hot and bothered. It's kind of hard to illustrate that in a setting like a white background, but it can be done more effectively. I've seen it done several times in animes that involve hot spring/spa jokes. But here? Not so well.
Now, the next two items are obviously a set, but there needs to be some explination for those out there that may be too young to remember.
A long time ago, there was this model by the name of Fabio. He, apparently, would model for all these romance novel covers. At one point in his career, he became the spokesperson for a product called "I can't believe it's not butter." This is where the association with the first of the two items comes in. The second item is just a pun on the fact that most women called Fabio a stud muffin because of his good looks and his very sweet personality.
As far as the items go? Boring.
Romantic Breeze gives us the rose petal shower we've been waiting for but in a quality that just makes it look bad. The Winter Rose has a better version by a large margin, but for that more conservative touch, this option will more than suffice as an accessory.
Portrait of Passion appears to be a left-over from the Gaia Prom. Here, your avatar is given a gold frame, complete with a heart on top. However, don't expect there to be enough room for you and your Celebrity Date. While your avatar does sit nicely to one side, the frame doesn't offer enough space to fit any of the Celebrity Date options. The orphans are worse, as they stand in front of the frame rather than behind it. As a result, this option isn't so much a frame for you and your date as it is a form of romantic narcissism.
Glistening Skin. At one point, and even today, it was considered hot for both male and female models of high level of attractiveness to lather themselves up in butter or oil in order to evoke a level of eroticism in their photo shoots. Don't know why that was the case, but you can now do that to your avatar as well! Thing is, I wish the shine was taken down a few. When you see your avatar all greased up, it looks more plastic than usual. Even the Sunburn that you could have won from the Rejected Olympics looked better at making your avatar look like it was sunburned than this option is at trying to make your avatar look oiled up. I don't know, maybe it's also the fact that this option butters up your face, which just makes the rest of the avatar look horrible.
Beresford is not only the name of the male character, but also the next option you have with this item. He comes in two flavors: stripper and massager. Standing up, he's exposing his ripped chest to you with a come hither stare indicative of romance novels. Sitting down, he is slowly moving behind you to give you a back rub with a look on his face that, for lack of a better description, looks like he's kissing you. I have no problem with the way he is drawn when your avatar is standing, but when you're sitting, it becomes clear that the was drawn poorly. His muscules on his arms, particularly the biceps and forearms are just ugly. It's bad enough his hand has been reduced to a V-shaped lump of flesh. But come on! Give the guy some guns that Liam can become jealous over!
Heloise is the femal character and your other option that works similar to Beresford. Apparently she has trouble standing up, as her two options are at your feet looking up at you longingly or in the famous just-swoon faint across your lap. At this point, you should know which pose triggers with option. The part about this option that I don't like is the fact that her head is so freaking huge compared to the rest of her body. Normally, this isn't a bad thing, as our avatars are drawn in the same way. But with her? Her big head makes all that make up she's wearing even bigger. I mean, her lips look like they were over injected with whatever beauty product makes your lips that big. Her eyes alone don't make her attractive as they clash so hard with the pink of her dress. Thankfully, her just-swoon option doesn't suffer from these distractions, but rather introduce a new pair.
Wind-blown Tresses is essentially Heloise hair in wig form, but was conciously drawn to be gender neutral. I think this is a good thing as, like I said earlier, both the men and the women in these kind of books then to have long hair. The unfortunate part is that you are stuck with the roses in the part. Female avatars shouldn't have a problem with this, but I doubt many of the male avatars will like that look unless you are from "the other team."
Romantic Sunset gives you a very loose Impressionistic painting of a sunset happening just behind a lighthouse. This is how most of the backgrounds are painted in romance novels. No real representation in form or shape, and the emphises on the color that evokes passion. And for a background, it's probably one of the best ones produced to date.
Overall, there are some options in the item that will warrent a purchase, but not many to appreciate. Fans of items like the Celebrity Date will want to buy one if only for access to one of the two romance models. Background collectors will end up gaining the best background for your avatar to date. But as for the rest of us? Well, there's the muffin...
The Love of War
Given the fact that I've seen three teenage couples having sex in the movie theatre I work at as well as the fact that even at my age my hormones are ruinning my social life with friends I find attractive, it should come as no surprise that both these items this month are really bothering me. The War of the Warlords bothers me because the item just plain sucks. Lusty Scoundrel bothers me because of all the sexual tension it has in even just a few of its options.
I can't recommend one over the over due in part to my own sexual furstrations. That said, the choice is up to you based on my personal feelings towards each item.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need a cold shower...
 Zeek Slider · Fri Aug 08, 2008 @ 10:59pm · 1 Comments |
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