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This month’s items are the Masterpieces and Assassin's Guise!
 So, Art Assassins?
On one hand, we have the answer to all those gun petitions in the site feedback forum. On the other hand, we have an item that gives us the ability to dress up using parts from the more popular movements of art history. One kills by design and the other is designed to make a killing. Yeah, even that’s stretching it.
Art History Made Fashionable!
It seems only appropriate that I recently found a YouTube video featuring Dilbert questioning art. Dogbert says that, in so many words, people don’t know bad from good art but they know Picasso’s style. If he was alive today, he’d be making underwear too. Out of context of the episode, I can see how that can be read as an insult. It is why this critique will be especially difficult for me. Not only am I an artist about ready to graduate art school, but I just suck at art history.
Your default option is the marble statue of David from the High Renaissance. Here, you’re given a new skin base that is marble white. Buy a second one and you can have a matching mop top! If you held on to the Gift of the Gods, go ahead and put on the leaf of Adam and call your avatar art. Or the closest thing to it, seeing how you lack the sling shot and the tree stump. As well as the marble pedestal, but that’s being nit-picky. This base would be fine if we didn’t already have access to an equally white skin base with the Vampire skin. Furthermore, the vacant eyes make the idea that you are a living statue even harder to believe. The least they could do is not stylize it after David, but marble statues from that era in general. Some of them had opal gems in the eyes to give them a more accurate aesthetic to human eyes. Sure, they were creepy as hell, but that’s because it gave the statues some life in the eyes. The marble hair by itself rides rather high and doesn’t come with eyebrows, mostly because the eyebrows are attached to the skin base. Either way, you can’t really do much with just the wig alone. If you don’t mind the vacant eyes of the base, then you can use it as a kind of possessed soul or walking ghost base.
The Picasso Face is next, and much like what he is famous for, it is in that surrealist-cubism style that you see everywhere the name Picasso is. Unless it is an exhibit of his early works, then you won’t. It doesn’t matter what skin colour your avatar is, you default to the tan Spaniard look. And it makes some sense when you think about it from a designer’s point of view. To screw up our avatar’s facial proportions and positions in the same style as Picasso for every skin tone would mean there would be a large number of these masks just to cover all the available skins we get by default as well as from the Superior Form. The thing is with the mask is that it isn’t as extreme as you could go with Picasso’s aesthetic. If anything, it plays it safe so that you can use it for other costumes. What costumes would those be would be based on how the mask looks to you. To me, it looks like a really good base to build an avatar around to cosplay as the Hunchback of Notre Dame. But I don’t see this option getting any regular use.
Van Gough’s Starry Night ends up turning into one of Gaia’s many scarves with two options: lights on or lights off. His impressionistic brushwork translates nicely into a scarf, and the stars that you can have on or off only accent the scarf in a way that the Lucky Star only dreams it could. I’m also glad that the artist went with the more subtle and pleasing blue from the piece of art. While it does limit what could match with the scarf, it makes the item pleasing to look at as appose to some of the other colours that could have been chosen.
Venus’s Shell from her birth is the next option, causing us to time travel back to the Early Renaissance. Again, if you held on to the Gift of the Gods, go on and throw the leaves on and call it done. If not, then throw on one of the mermaid tails of the Aquatica and sit down in it for a more fantasy-based avatar. Other than that, I can’t think of many uses you can have for a half-shell under your avatar that involves clothing.
The Embroidered Mantle is a hard option to place. From my limited Art History, I would have to say it is from the Baroque or Rococo era, as the colours are brightly saturated and the underside is purely decorative in design. The way that it is held by your avatar also hints to around this era, as these kind of mantles were worn by the rich when getting their portrait painted. It was a way for them to flaunt their wealth around, at least in the visual sense. But what confuses me is how exotic and erotic the design of the mantle is. Given the theme so far, it would be too much of a leap to have a contemporary piece of costuming, even something from as controversial as a Mapplethorpe flower, to fit the theme of masterworks. It could be the fact that most people will use this shirtless instead of with some rich period piece like the French set or even the Queen’s Dress from the Chess set. Or it could be the fact that when you look at art you don’t immediately recognize, you tend to default to symbolism that shouldn’t be there but is.
With the next mode, we enter into the last century of art with an option that is suppose to be based off of Art Nouveau. Here, your avatar is given a gilded halo disc behind their head that features the same line work from the movement. However, given the small scale of our avatar and the gold colouring, it looks more like an Illuminated Manuscript element from the Byzantine era. Break out the Monk Robes and walk around like a holy saint! You can even use some of the more mundane outfits and still look like a holy person with the way this option is designed. But knowing how most people feel about big elements like this on their avatar, not many people will use it.
As of this typing, the Klimt Robe was not working. However, if you look up the artist’s style, you have to wonder why this was included given how patchy the colour is. There is no way that this could translate very well into pixels.
Overall, the Masterpiece is a rather strange disappointment. I’m disappointed on two levels. The first being that these items couldn’t be more flexible in one sense or another. The examples I used in this critique are pretty much the only ways you will be able to use those items unless you are very creative with them. The second being that Gaia has the bright idea that people would like items based off of Masterworks and yet were unable to translate them very well to a pixilated scale that was both aesthetically pleasing and functional for our avatars. The exception goes to the Van Gough options.
Bang! You’re dead! No Take-backs!
Another petition squashed. Guns are added to Gaia. Heaven help us, because now we will have to deal with new users complaining about how they can’t dress all gangstalicious because getting that hot piece is too expensive. Either that, or we will see new petitions spawn up for more gun types.
Sadly, the default option for the Assassin’s Guise is a hood with layering complications. You are given a hood that darkens the majority of your face with shadow, but you can’t really wear any and all hats with it. Believe me, I tried headbands and even wigs to see what would look good with it, and every time it de-equips. Also, if you wear anything that is bigger than the cloak’s rim, it will show through instead of block it like it should. When it does work for you, you can use it as the traditional contraband seller’s hood of hiding or the cloak used by the princess as she makes her escape from the evil king. Or a gothic version of Little Red Riding Hood.
Assassin’s Protection offers a rather nice looking top with a single sleeve and a series of straps to help keep your arm steady. This is probably the one outfit a lot of Gaians have been waiting to see for a while, as it is not only stylish, but sexy to boot! Sure, it may not be fashionable, but name another piece of clothing that lets you have one arm covered and another one exposed to show off your tattoo or even just your muscular built. Gaia’s ninja force will probably use this to show their alliance with a darker side. Could be put to great use by anyone wanting to dress up like Vampire Hunter D, as well as those who want a more fashionable dark wizard look. If you don’t like guns, then at least consider this item as a consolation.
Now then, on to the weapons.
The first one is known as Assassin’s Pain. It appears to be a semi-automatic machine gun with silencer barrel and targeting scope. It can be duel equipped, but looks good by itself. Not much to report back, but a silencer on a machine gun? Brutal.
Assassin’s Silence is the second weapon. Here, you are given a huge hand-held blade that is about the size of a pair of hedge clippers. Looks better duel equipped, but can be easily intimidating with just one. Ninjas have a new weapon, while fans of blade weapons now have another item to collect.
Finally, the big gun of them all is Assassin’s Executioner. This is the gun that shot Ian and Gambino, as well as a few others. The sucker is so big and so heavy, your avatar carries it by the scope! Don’t try to hold it up while standing to shoot, as it does come with its own kick-stand for steady aiming. That, and it just looks stupid when you hold it up like you’re going to shoot.
I don’t know what to make of Assassin’s Eye. Basically, your avatar completely disappears except for a single drop of blood that is floating in the air rather strangely. Was it a shot and your avatar just blew up completely off the face of the planet? Furthermore, how does this relate to an assassin’s eye or sight? You don’t see anything. Or maybe that’s the point!
Overall, there are only two reasons you would want this item: for the gun or for the outfit. And that’s it. Nothing to report home to.
Disappointing Start to a New Year
The title says it all. These two collectibles are probably going to go down as one of the worse of the batch, and they year has only started. The optimist would say it can only get better since it is only the first month. The pessimist would say that this is not a good sign for this year’s set. For me? I can only hope that next month will be better designed. If this was three years ago or so, I would say that this bad turn-out with the letters will affect the price for next month. But these days, I’m not sure that even matters now.
 Zeek Slider · Wed Jan 16, 2008 @ 01:31am · 5 Comments |
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