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Kariudo's Journal
Just my journal, writing for the hell of it i guess. wont be much.
Gerry was an average 29 year old man. Barely getting by with bills, living in an old apartment, no one to talk with. He was alone in his life as his looks were never ones that would ever get a girls attention... well at least not in a good way. he had been ignored by beatiful women and always cheated on with every other girl. His heart was truelly lonely. His friends all abandoned him, his family had disowned him. Most people would kill themselves if they were in his position. but he had made a pact never to end is own life. And Gerry intended to follow it.

Late on a Saturday night he set out to a bar to enjoy what parts of life he could. The alcohol providing wonderful yet very temporary joy in his heart. He arrived at the bar door and walked towards it. A couple of men stopped him.

Man 1: Hey guy, dont move just hand over yer wallet and you wont get hurt

Man 2: sorry bout this pal..

They both drew a gun and pointed it at him under their jackets. Gerry smirked.

Gerry: Hey guys i get you dont want trouble, so i'll give you a chance this time. but you got so many things that will get you busted if you take any action here. take a look over behind you.

The men looked over and Gerry swiftly kicked up his foot and knocked a gun out of the second man's hand. it had an orange tip.

Gerry: One these aren't real guns. two theres cameras everywhere and three, I'm the one who is actually armed here. now as a merciful man I'll let you go. now scram and dont bothe me again..

The men growl at him but walk away knowing very well their position. Gerry laughed to himself and walked into the bar, pulled up a seat, and ordered drink. He turned to a blonde girl sitting next to him, tried to talk with her, but was instantly shot down and slapped acrss the face. Gerry's heart sank. he looked at the drink in front of him. such fake happiness. he though alcohol was a way to relive himself of sadness... but it was just a lie. He looked down, his face stung, and a tear dripped from his eye. But then he felt a hand on his shoulder. it was warm, and feminine. he turned around to see a beautiful woman smiling at him. Her hair was semi long and a beautiful brown color, her eyes were a hypnotic hazel and her skin, smooth and tan. Her face was like an angel's. She looked down at him, smiled, and took a seat next to him

Woman: You alright? You looked sad after that b***h slapped you

Gerry: Well i guess you can say that.

Woman: Whats your name, mine's Sarah.

Gerry: I'm Gerry. It's wierd i know, but it's me.

Sarah: I like it.. wierd guys are always the best... cuz they never leave you like stuck up jocks..

Sarah looked down and a tear fell from her eye, Gerry instantly knew she had been dumped by a man who was a jock. Gerry blushed at her words and turned towards her, his heart skipped a beat.

Gerry: You may have a point. But not too many woman see us wierdos as humans. Hey i mean look at us, We're not strong, smart, or attractive.

Sarah: but the pain you all have been through has made you strong... just spiritually.... dont doubt yourself. You seem fine to me.

The woman smiled and winked at him. Gerry's face turned red. he felt his heart seemignly stop.. Did this woman just compliment him?

Sarah: You okay? you're face is all red.

Gerry: well I...Um....Can I buy you a drink?

She blushed at him and nodded. for the next hour, they talked. they barely drank anything they were so interested in each other. After they both left the bar, they stood by Sarah's car.

Sarah: Hey um.. I really enjoyed you being here tonight... i wish there was something i could do to thank you... i mean anything

Gerry's face turned red. Did she just ask him for a night of passion? Was she actually attracted to him?

Gerry: I um...I would like to be with you... if you understand what i'm saying...

Sarah: i know...

Sarah opened the passenger door

Sarah: Get in..

She winked at him and Gerry got in. Sarah got in and stepped into the car, started it, and they drove to a love hotel. They got out and checked into a room. Things then gave way to intense passion as their emotions ran wild with each other. Gerry felt an emotion he had never felt before.. it was love, and belonging... finally he felt loved. Their passion ran through the night.

The next morning, Gerry awoke in bed, he turned over to look at his lady.. to see the bed was empty... he was alone in the hotel. He got out of bed to get his clothes. but only his boxers were left. everything else was gone. his phone, his wallet, his money and credit cards, everything he had and needed was gone. He had been used.. the only thing left in the roomwas a bottle of gin. he sat on the bed, took a swig of it. then looked at the bottle and relized, he was once again relying on alcohol to make himself happy. he felt horrible, angry, lonely, and confused at the same time. there was no one left for him. he was truelly alone. never meant for love. only meant to live, and then die. He grew angered and through the bottle across the room at the door. the bottle crashed and gin spilled everywhere. Thats when Gerry noticed, lying on the floor near the door was a note. he ran to it, cleared the glass from the bottle off of it and read it.

"Dear Gerry... If you're reading this, I'm gone... with everything you had.. I'm so sorry... i was forced to use you and steal your money... when i entered the bar, i was held up by two men... they stole my purse and promised to give it ack if i stole from you... But gerry... what we felt last night was not a lie.. it was real i truelly love you... and if you can everforgive me i'd like to see you again. My number is--"

The rest of the note had been drenched in gin... and was illegible. Gerry burst into tears. He was loved! and his stupid emotions had made the one girl to love him unable to ever see him again. he cried. He cried with so much pain. His mind rushed through thoughts. they only came to one action...suicide. Gerry looked at gi shattered neck of the gin bottle. picked it up and pointed at his stomach. this would end it.. all his pain would go away if he just gave up. He rammed the neck into his gut andf bled severely. as his body began to fail he realized.. no this wouldn't end it! this will only frther his suffering as he burned in hell.. he wanted life! he wanted to stay alive! He couldn't die! No! He wanted to keep living! Blood flooded from his body at a horrible pace. His vision began to fade, everything went blurry, his hearing was gone. As his heart failed he remembered. I did it again... i ruined myself by letting my damn emotions getting the bettter of me! My life is fading because just once i allowed myself to consider suicide! breaking my pact destroyed my life.... It's over.... and for eternity.... my punishment lasts..... just from one stupid mistake........At that moment Gerry's heart stopped. his life ended. He was dead..... and his soul was damned....


Moral of the stroy: Suicide is never the answer.. It doesn't end suffering. it only brings more pain. so no matter your heart's agony.. carry on. you are strong enough to do so. so never give in, stay strong and one day you'll find happiness.





Kariudo The Unstoppable
Community Member
  • [10/19/07 09:06pm]
  • [06/29/07 10:47am]
  • [05/24/07 06:32am]
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